Page 242 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
“That’s weird. Don’t say things like that.”
“And what about pooping. Is he pooping regularly?”
“Yes, Mom,” I answer in an annoyed tone. “He’s pooping. I actually have to get ready. Henry just got home and we’re taking Kellan to the pediatrician. The little guy is getting his penis snipped.”
“I still don’t know why you didn’t do it in the hospital.”
Kellan is a week old, and every single freaking day, I get a phone call from my mom, handing out unsolicited parenting advice and comments. And every day, I start off sweet but end the call with claws out and a snarling tooth gnawing at the phone.
“Because, we wanted the bell procedure and the hospital wouldn’t do it. So we waited. The bell method is one hundred times better for everyone.”
“Back in my day, you just snipped the skin and were done with it.”
“Yes, well, back in your day they didn’t think eating lead paint was a bad thing either, so maybe we don’t compare eras . . . okay?”
“Are you being snippy?”
I put on a big smile even though she can’t see me. “Not even in the slightest.” Henry walks through the door and scoops us both into a hug. He places a kiss on my forehead, whispers I love you, and then takes Kellan into his arms before securing him in his car seat. He’s the most amazing husband and father.
“You sound snippy, and I’m going to blame it on the hormones. After my pregnancy with you, I was all over the place. Make sure you’re taking your vitamins.”
“Take them every day, Mom.”
“And are you doing your pelvic floor exercises yet? Go for walks and tuck in that tummy. Plus Kellan needs sunshine. We don’t want him getting jaundice.”
“Yup, I know, Mom.”
Sir Licks-A-Lot jumps up on the couch and walks over to me, determination in this eyes. I know that look, it’s the same look he’s been giving me since I got home.
He. Wants. Milk.
“Don’t even think about it,” I whisper, shooing him with my hand.
He doesn’t listen, instead he jumps to the cushion behind me and leans over my shoulder. From the corner of my eye, I see an orange and white paw slowly make it’s way down my chest.
“Get out of here.” I shoo him again, but the paw is persistent.
“Oh, and did you read up on those reusable diapers I sent you? You should really consider using them. They will be much better for Kellan’s skin. I used cloth diapers with you, and it saved us a lot of money.”
She has no clue how much money Henry makes.
The paw reaches my gaped shirt and before I can react, he swats my boob. Not once, not twice, but three times in rapid succession.
“Stop trying to milk me, you feline freak,” I shout whisper, pushing him off the cushion and then nudging him with my water bottle.
Halfway distracted, I absentmindedly say, “I’ll check them out.” Henry starts walking to the car. I quickly slip on my shoes and follow behind.
“And wipes, make sure you’re making your own. You never know what kind of chemicals they use when making those. Even the ones that saynaturalaren’t really natural.”
“Yup, okay, Mom.” Not going to happen, but it’s nice to humor her.
“And don’t forget to lotion Kellan every day.”
“Sure. Okay, got to go. Love you.”
“Always—”
I hang up and grab the diaper bag before exiting the house. I reach the car just as Henry opens the passenger door for me. He secures me at the waist and lowers his mouth to mine. “I missed you, love.”
