Page 214 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
We both looked to see a felt button in the shape of a penis with puffy paint on it. “Maid of Honor.”
I bent down and picked it up, wincing at how my stomach was already making an impact on my everyday life. “Did you make this?”
He definitely did. The puffy paint writing was very messy, but it was undeniably Henry’s chicken scratch.
“I did.” He puffed out his chest. “I thought the maid of honor needed something special to wear as well. I mean, you did put this all together.”
On the back of the penis was a safety pin to secure it to my clothing, so I did just that. Like a corsage at prom, I pinned it right above my breast, but instead of a beautiful arrangement of flowers, I had a felt peener with puffy paint writing.
I was living the high life.
“Thank you,” I said genuinely. “I love it, and thank you for bringing it all the way down here. You didn’t have to do that.”
Once again, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. “Of course I did. I wanted my girl feeling special too.”
“Thanks.” I peeked at the clock and winced. “Yikes, Delaney is going to be here soon. I need to finish my hair and makeup, and you need to get to Derk’s for the party.”
“Yeah.” Putting distance between us, he let go of me and stepped toward the door. “Are you drinking tonight?”
Weird question for him to ask.
“No, I need to make sure no one gets hurt. Someone has to be the responsible one.”
He visibly relaxed, as if I’d told him we’d just saved five hundred dollars by switching to Geico.
“All right, good. Be careful and please don’t ride the penis. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
I didn’t plan on riding the penis, didn’t think it was baby safe, but he didn’t have to know that.
“Didn’t plan on it. I only want to ride one penis.” I winked.
He chuckled and then took off. There was some serious tension between the two of us. For the first time since we met in college, we were awkward around each other. Was it from the lack of sex in our relationship? Had it been so long since we’d spent time together that we no longer knew how to be around each other?
Henry had been working very long days for the last month. I’d barely seen him, and when I had, all we’d encountered was gigantic obstacles. He was tired. I was irrational. We hadn’t hung out, or eaten dinner together, or snuggled. Maybe he didn’t want that anymore. Maybe his endless days had become our normal. I wanted to believe it was the baby making me crazy, that Henry’s job was taking a toll on him, and not from us slowly drifting apart.
But. . .
Was the honeymoon phase over? Was this what it was like after the big dramatic kiss at the end of a romance movie? Awkward confusion between couples?
I wasn’t sure. For my entire life, I’d consumed love story after love story, believing in an eternity of passion between two people. Now that I was living the love story I’d always dreamed of having, it didn’t seem so happily ever after.
Not wanting to focus on my relationship right now, or lack thereof, I finished my makeup, pinned my hair up, so half of it was caressing my back and the other half was twisted on the top of my head, and then headed to the party area. There was a section to hang our coats and set our purses down, so I stuffed my travel bag in the corner and went on one more walk around of the room to make sure everything was perfect before Delaney arrived.
* * *
“This is everything I could have dreamed of,” Delaney said, as she spun around the room in awe. “I don’t even know which dick to focus on, there are millions. Even the confetti on the tables are dicks.” Delaney turned to me and pulled me into a hug. “You did so well. Thank you, Rosie.”
“You’re welcome. I’m so glad you’re happy with it.”
“Ma’am, your drink.” A waiter came up behind us, holding out the penis sippy cup I bought Delaney, full of the signature drink I’d chosen for her.
I picked up the drink and thanked the waiter. “This is for you. The drink is called Cum Guzzler. It’s a coconut-infused rum with pineapple juice and cherry grenadine.”
“Sounds like I’m going to be a Cum Guzzler tonight, because this sounds delicious.” She took the penis cup and inhaled a giant sip. Once she’d tasted it, she said, “This is one batch of cum I have no problem swallowing.”
I made a note to remember that for a book. I tried to commit this entire party to memory, because it provided good material for future stories.
Delaney examined the rest of the room while I greeted guests, handed out penis straws and goody bags, and showed everyone where they could put their purses. Delaney invited around forty women, and almost all of them said they’d come.
