Page 204 of The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles
“Believe me, I did it with Derk, and we had the wildest sex ever that night.”
“Ew,” I screeched and tossed the balls to the side. “Were those in your vagina?”
Delaney rolled her eyes. “Of course not. Vagina wands, balls, lubes and nets should never be shared. One lady’s vagina juice is another man’s sex cream.”
“What?” I nearly puked. “That makes no sense whatsoever, and is so incredibly crude that if you put that in a book people would immediately bring your rating down from a five to a four star.”
“Well then I suggest you keep clear of quoting me in your book.” She twisted another section of hair into the curling iron and continued. “How’s that going, by the way? The book.”
“I finished, and it’s with an editor,” I answered sheepishly.
“What?” Delaney cried, almost ripping my hair out of my scalp. “Your book is being edited right now? What happened to letting me read it? Did Wolf Fleece Wendy read the whole thing?”
“She did.”
“And . . .” Delaney motioned for me to continue.
“She loved it. She actually said some really sweet things and warned me that since it was a comedy, not everyone would get it, which was okay. She said as long as I made some people laugh, that was all that mattered.”
“Not everyone is going to like your book, and that’s all right,” Delaney said. “Look at a popular book likeFifty Shades of Grey. It opened up the publishing market for authors like you to write what you want and express your thoughts and feelings through creative imagination. Those books made such an impact on our generation and encouraged people like me, who never read, to pick up a book and read a little smut-mance. Despite her popularity, there are people out there who absolutely despise her stories; there will always be someone who doesn’t agree with what you write.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I know I’m right,” Delaney stated matter-of-factly. “Now, back toFifty Shades of Grey, you are going to wear those Ben Wa balls tonight, and you’re going to wear them well. I will pack your purse with the balls and some lube while you’re getting dressed. Don’t argue with me about it.”
I sighed and left the conversation at that. She wasn’t going to the party, so she wouldn’t know the difference.
Since my hair was so thick, it took some extra time to finish; by the time my hair was fully set in place by a pound of hairspray, I was already running a little late. I was meeting Henry at the party because he had some things to get done beforehand—shock alert—so I didn’t have him pestering me to hurry up.
“Crap, I’m going to be late.” I looked at the time. “Let me get dressed and then we can walk out together. Can you call the doorman to flag a taxi for me in ten?”
“You got it,” Delaney called from behind me, while I ran into the bedroom.
Hanging on the doorframe of the bathroom was my dress Delaney had helped me pick out. Thankfully, she’d steamed it while I was doing my makeup, so it was ready to go and wrinkle free.
Rummaging through my drawers, I looked for my strapless bra. I tried to remember the last time I wore it, but nothing was coming to mind. I fished through Henry’s drawers, wondering if it accidently got stuck in with his boxers, but it was nowhere to be found.
“Damn it,” I muttered, looking around.
Trying one more time, I dug through my drawers, but could only find the strapless bra I wore to my high school prom. I should be ashamed for having something so old, but memories got the best of me sometimes. It used to be white and had definitely seen better days, but it was all I had, so I connected the ends together at the front clasp and brought it up to my breasts. I shoved them in and gasped at how tight it was.
“Christ,” I groaned. My boobs rested heavily in the cups and the underwire strained from end to end. “This is really tight.” I eyed the dress and knew I had to wear a bra; there was no option of going commando up top, not for a girl of my breastual size.
Praying to the lords above that the thing wouldn’t pop off, I snatched my dress off the hanger and put it on, making sure to not make too many jerky movements, in consideration of the bra.
Once everything was in place, I slipped on my black kitten heels, a red necklace to match my lipstick, and then fluffed out my curly hair. Despite the slight pooch I was sporting, I was looking really sexy.For the first time in a long time, I felt sexy.
“Eat your heart out, Henry,” I said, while shimmying at the mirror.
Delaney met me at the front door with my purse and a giant smile on her face. “You look so hot, Rosie. Henry won’t know what hit him.”
“Just what I’m hoping for.”
As I was leaving, I went to switch off the lights when I caught a glimpse of Sir Licks-a-Lot, perched on the window sill, sitting in a white fabric-like cup. He started kneading it with his claws and that’s when I realized he had my bra. I wanted so badly to go and grab it from him, but I had no time, and with my luck, he’d probably marked it with kitty smell and I would smell like a litter box the entire night. So, I let him win this round.
On the elevator ride down, Delaney explained to me how to use the Ben Wa balls, but I ignored her, not interested in partaking in any crazy kind of vagina Olympics tonight.
The taxi ride to the venue was agonizing.Notbecause I wanted to be there, but because the dress was really tight, my bra felt like it was going to burst open any minute, and any circulation my body was trying to flow through my waist had been cut off. I shifted in my seat, so I wasn’t so scrunched up and more horizontal, but it only provided temporary relief. Looked like I would be standing all night.
