Page 99 of Stroked Hard
“That wasn’t a mistake. You don’t call destroying someone’s life a mistake.”
“Is that what you think you did?” She forces me to look at her, and her crystal-blue eyes meet mine. “You think you destroyed my life?”
I swallow hard, tamping down the raw agony I feel. “Of course I do. I took away your diving career, your passion, everything you ever worked for.”
“You didn’t take away anything, Hollis.Wewere in an accident. I lost the ability to walk, but that didn’t destroy my life, it just put me on a different path to success.” Turning away, she shakes her head. “What do you think I’ve been doing while you’ve been training? Sitting around, reminiscing on the days I could walk? Fuck you if you think that’s true.” I’m caught off guard by her tone and aggression. “I might have lost my ability to walk but I didn’t lose my heartormy drive. I didn’t lose my will to reach my goals, mynewgoals. While you’ve been pitying me, I’ve been making something of myself, becoming a role model for others in my position, booking speaking engagements, being a model of hope.”
This is new information to me. “Wait, what?”
Now she punches me in the shoulder. “You’re such a dick. You’ve seriously pitied me this whole time? Well, fuck you.” She punches me again, this time I soothe my arm with my hand.She has muscly arms.
“Hey, stop that. I didn’t pity you, I just . . .”
Fuck, I pitied her.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You’re an asshole.”
Frustrated with this entire conversation, I say, “I’m sorry, Holly. Fuck, I am an asshole. I thought I’d taken away everything. I didn’t know . . . why didn’t you tell me you had so much more going on?”
“Because you just started talking to me about diving again. You haven’t been very approachable.”
“I couldn’t look at you.” The words taste bitter as they come out of my mouth. It’s the painful truth, but every time I glanced at Holly wheeling herself around, it was a steadfast reminder of what I’d done. “I’ve felt so damn guilty.”
She nods pensively. “I can understand that. I’m not going to downplay your emotions over what happened. It was traumatic for everyone, but I need you to understand something, Hollis. I’ve never blamed you for anything that happened. Yes, I was incredibly depressed for a while because my life had changed. Whathadbeen my goals were no longer possible. And for a while, that was really hard. I was in a dark place. But I’ve never once thought you took something away from me. In time I could see that this was how my life was supposed to be, and you know what? I’m happy. What I do is rewarding. I feel more fulfilled now, helping others through the same kind of trauma, than I did standing on a podium with a medal around my neck. Diving was for me, but public speaking is for others.” Holy fuck, my sister is incredible.
“You’re happy?” I shyly ask, wondering where my sister gets the strength to be so damn amazing.
“I am. So I think it’s time you forgive yourself and move on. You’re the only one blaming yourself for what happened. It’s time to let go.”
“But what if Melony asks what happened?”
“Tell her the truth,” Holly says simply. “You were a dumb kid who made a dumb mistake. You’ve paid for that mistake over time with guilt and regret. You’ve suffered and learned from it, and you’ve paid the penance you felt you deserved. Simple as that. She can’t hate you for something you did years ago. I don’t hate you, so what makes you think she will?”
“She has a hard time trusting men,” I answer.
With a serious face, but sarcastic undertones, Holly asks, “So you think hiding the truth from her about your sister is going to help with that situation? Wow, when did you become a dumbass?”
Shit, she’s right. Now that my blockhead of a brain thinks about it, not telling Melony is worse than trying to sacrifice the image she has of me that’s barely hanging on by a thread. Well, that’s not true; my image might be a little more beefed up than a week ago thanks to my awesome fucking and romanticizing skills.
“Fuck, Holly.” I lean my head against the car seat. “Why did I make this so difficult?”
“Because, in the accident, they actually removed your balls.”
“That’s why it’s so airy down there,” I counter with a smile.
Smiling back, she leans over and hugs me with one arm. “Don’t be a fucking idiot. Drop the guilt, be happy for me, and bring Melony around so we can meet her. It’s time I get to embarrass you and tell her all the times you tried to tuck your wee wee between your legs so you could be just like me.”
“And you just lost all visiting privileges with her.”
“Not if I have anything to do with it. Now fetch my chariot, peasant, I have things to do.”
***
“How can you eat such crap food and have an amazing body?”
I bite into my third piece of pizza, loving the way the cheese melts in my mouth. Holly would just about kill me right now, so it’s a good thing the next few weeks will consist of a complete detox before the games start. Looking forward to gnawing on celery twenty-four/seven.Not.
“Fat is scared of me; it’s heard I shred it, so it doesn’t even bother sticking around.” I wink.
