Page 96 of Stroked Hard
That to me is romance. You can make grand gestures of presents and promises all you want, but it won’t affect me. What cut through the icy chill of my heart was his attentiveness, his intrigue, the way he watched my lips while I spoke, and the way he engaged in conversation, asking me questions, really paying attention to everything I had to say. In a digital world where connections to the outside world sit at our fingertips, to have someone so solely focused on everything you have to say—that to me is sexy, romantic, awe-inspiring.And completely Hollis.
With his undivided attention, he was showing me how much of a different man he truly is, blessing me with him, and only him.
After dinner, he linked our hands together and guided me to the ocean, where we are currently sitting on the beach, watching the waves roll in one by one, indulging in the tiramisu we got to go. My back to his chest, his arms wrapped around me, his hot breath in my ear, chuckling and teasing me while he takes turns feeding both of us with the one fork the restaurant gave us. It’s intimate, different . . . utterly fantastic.
I never knew this is what a relationship could be like. It seems so effortless, uncomplicated, like we were meant to be together.
I would love to say it’s freaking me out, that I’m scared out of my mind, but for once in my life, I can say I’m not. I feel so incredibly full, so enriched by the company of another soul, it’s addicting.
I don’t feel lonely.
How I’ve been wrong for so long, it kills me to know that I’ve been missing out on companionship. But even then, I know I wouldn’t feel this way with another man. I know these feelings are because of Hollis and the way he treats me. It’s his personality, his charisma, the way he touches me gingerly, with loving affection, and the way he looks at me, as if I’m the only woman that would ever make him happy. How could I not become addicted to such attention?
It’s impossible.
A little piece of me is scared, and I don’t know how to handle this feeling overtaking my body, that he will one day . . . leave.
It’s the reason why I’m staying reserved, why I’m keeping this relationship between us, why I want to still tread cautiously. Because what if one day he sits back and realizes my flaws—my scars—are too deep for him to reach?To heal.What if we have a disagreement about something neither of us can find a common ground? Will it drive us apart? Will he take that opportunity to leave?
Will he ever leave?
“You went quiet on me.” His deep voice speaks closely to my ear. “What’s churning in that beautiful mind of yours?”
“Nothing really,” I answer, not wanting to get into my worries. “Do you ever feel like you only truly see the stars when you’re out by the ocean?”
“They’re non-existent in the city,” he agrees. “Which makes it that much more special to come out to the beach at night.” He kisses the side of my head and sets down our finished desserts. “Did you have a good time, baby? I know there wasn’t a lot of fanfare, but I wanted to keep things simple.”
I lean into him and wrap his arms over my chest so he’s hugging me tightly, my head resting on his shoulder. “I’ve had an incredible time, Hollis. I don’t need fanfare, I just need you.”
That garners me another kiss. His entire body is wrapped around me, and it’s so damn comforting. I never want to get up.
“Can I talk to you about something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind?” His voice grows serious. It’s a tone a rarely heard unless he truly wants to convey something to me so I perk up, wondering what he wants to talk about.
“Of course.”
One of his hands lazily runs along the skin on my forearm as he speaks. “I leave for Rio in a day. We go to Georgia first and then to Brazil. I know you’re going to attend the games but that gives us a couple weeks apart.”
“Okay,” I say, wondering where he’s going with this.
He sighs and leans his head closer, speaking directly into my ear, nervousness in his voice. “I’ve worked so hard at getting to this point with you, Melony. I’m worried we’ll revert back to where we were when you were barely speaking to me.” He kisses my temple and continues, “I don’t want to lose what we have because of distance. I don’t,” he pauses, trying to gather his words, “I don’t want you to think I left you.”
“Hollis,” I say incredulously, “I know you have to go to training. I’m not stupid to think you’ve left me.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid, baby. I just get fucking nervous as hell that the next time I see you, you’re going to act like we’re strangers, like I’m a thing of the past. I have no clue how to make that not happen. I would love to say I know how you tick, but I’m still learning everything about you, especially in that sealed vault of a mind you have. I need your help. Help me figure out how to keep this feeling between us while I’m gone.”
The anxiety rolling off him in waves saddens me.The beautiful, caring man.I don’t blame him though, as he’s right. I’m a flight case at best. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I was the strong, confident woman everyone wants to see, but I’m damaged, permanently scarred by a man I should have been able to trust with my life. That leaves a mark, no matter how much I try to deny it. Unfortunately, the mark he left behind has affected me well into my twenties.I’m still affected, but I do want to try.
I don’t know what to say to Hollis. This is the first time I’ve ever been in a relationship, and I don’t know what works. I have no clue how I’ll feel when he’s gone. Will I miss him? Will I be lost without him? Will I be one of the girls who’s become dependent upon her man?
No, I don’t believe I will be. I’ve been independent up until this point. If anything, I would resume my regular life . . . and . . . oh.That’swhat probably terrifies Hollis.
I lean down and kiss his hand. “I wish there was some kind of magical equation I could hand you to keep me at bay but I honestly don’t have any clue how to direct you. You’re my first true relationship, Hollis. I really have no idea how any of this works. I mean . . . are we in a relationship?”
Possessiveness takes over him as he squeezes me tighter. “Fuck yes, we’re in a relationship. I thought that was clear. Have I not shown you my intentions? Melony, you’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else. Ever.”Ever?He swallows hard, a little malice to his voice. “I sure as hell hope the feeling is mutual.”
Does he think I’ve been fooling around with others? As if that was even a possibility. No one even comes close to resembling Hollis. It’s not just his build and finely cut body, but his charismatic attitude. He engulfs me, practically drowns me. There is no way I could even think about anyone else.
I turn my head and look him in the eyes. “Hollis, the feeling is more than mutual. I just, I’ve never done this before so you have to guide me step by step.”
