Page 62 of Stroked Hard
“How can you put up with her for so long? I’ve only been here for a while, and I’m already at my maximum capacity of what I can take.”
“Kind of helps that her fake boyfriend is your boyfriend.” I wink and she blushes.
“Shh, God, don’t say that too loud.”
“Please, I would never blow your cover. Reese is happy, and I love seeing him like that. Plus, I like you, I would never do anything to hurt our budding relationship.” I chuckle from my words.
“Whenever anyone says budding, I always think of my teenage years when my mom gave me a sports bra for my ‘buds.’ It was a difficult time for me.”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Pretty sure every girl’s first bra was a difficult time. I remember my first pube; looked like Tweety Bird down there with a few single hairs poking out.”
Paisley busts out in laughter. “I can’t even with that visual right now. We need to change the subject.”
“Yeah? Let’s talk about you and Reese.” I smile, knowing damn well Paisley won’t say anything.
“Let’s not,” she says under her breath, giving me a warning look.
Chuckling to myself, I start to pack my makeup.
“What about you?” she asks, a knowing look in her eyes.
“What about me?”
“You looked awfully cozy with Hollis at Reese’s little gathering.”
“Cozy? Is that what you want to call it?” I pass off her assumption as nothing, even though warning bells are ringing in my head. “More like he annoys the shit out of me.”
“Yeah?” That smirk won’t leave her face. She’s acting like she’s caught me red-handed. “Then why did you ride together?”
“Being good environmentalists. Reduce, reuse, recycle, and carpool.” I add that last part on the end. “Someone has to look out for this planet. Don’t you want your grandchildren to be able to enjoy grass one day?”
“Mm-hmm, environmentalists. Sounds kinky.”
“Oh, you caught us,” I say sarcastically. “We get off by planting seeds. Show me a reusable bag and I start humping everything in sight. And don’t get me started on the threesomes we have with our very own leader of the green initiative, Leonardo DiCaprio. The smell coming from his plastic body really gets my solar-powered engine revving.”
Paisley studies me for a second and then says, “Leonardo would never be a plastic-based blow-up doll.”
Thoughtful. She’s right, he wouldn’t.
“You got me there. He would be hemp. It would be like sexing a burlap bag.” I cringe and place my hand over my crotch. “Pretty sure that would chafe for days.”
“At least when you’re done, you could plant him in the backyard and hope for a dildo tree to sprout in a few days,” she offers.
“Hemp-stuffed Leonardo DiCaprio sex doll. Multipurpose kinky toy. Get an orgasm, grow a tree of one hundred more. I can really see this becoming a best seller.”
Paisley taps her chin with her pen. “You’re going to want a good infomercial.”
“Hey, maybe I can get that lady who sells the Red Copper Pan on TV. She’s freaking good. I bought one of those just because she drove a car over the pan and it didn’t bend. If she can sell me a pan when I don’t cook, then she can sell a hemp-stuffed Leonardo sex doll.”
“I think it’s her hair, she’s so vibrant,” Paisley adds.
“I would pay good money to watch that lady hump hemp.”
“Oddly enough, so would I,” Paisley agrees and then laughs. “Wow, what the hell were we even talking about?”
Hollis, but I won’t remind her of that.
“Can’t remember. I’m so caught up with this Leonardo idea. Do you think I could replicate Leonardo’s face with—?”
