Page 117 of Stroked Hard
Holly and Hollis were enough—more than enough really. Loved. Adored. Kept.
And they made promises of getting together when they are all back in the States, wanting to invite the entire family over so they can see the huge feat Holly and Hollis were able to accomplish.
They are so fucking honored to have them as their children.
They claim them . . .
Hollis made a mistake, one that hurt his sister, one that almost took her life away, and yet, they still love him. They still shower him with unconditional love, especially his dad.
Even through their errors, they claim them.
My dad claims his new children. He loves them. He cherishes them. He’s stayed for them.
So what the fuck is wrong with me?
“I can’t,” I shake my head, every emotion in my head clashing together.
“Melony.” Hollis slips his fingers in with mine but I pull away.
“Hollis, I can’t do this.”
“What do you mean you can’t do this?” His voice grows darker. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him, not after what I’ve put him through. I’ve completely fucked with him, and I know it.
I hate myself. Anyone privy to the ins and outs of our relationship would hate me too. Hell, if this “love story” was played out on a realty show likeRollin’ in the Bacon, I would be one hundred percent chastised, ridiculed, and burned at the stake for the kind of up-and-down roller coaster I’ve put Hollis through.
Hollis, this amazing man, Mr. Romantic, best abs in the country.Hedeserves way more than me.Hedeserves someone who can offer him all the things he wants like a house on the beach, a wife, someone who has value.
He doesn’t need me, a pathetic excuse for a little girl . . .
Daddy, rocket me to my bed!
Daddy makes the best cheesy hot dogs.
Why are Daddy’s bags packed? Where is he going?
Why is Daddy leaving?
Fuck!
Not a little girl,a woman. A pathetic excuse for a woman.
“Melony,” Hollis shakes me, forcing me back into the present, “what the fuck is going on?”
Stepping away, out of his grasp, I shake my head. I can’t do this, not to him. He’s everything and I’m . . . nothing.
Worthless.
With all the bravado I can muster, I look him in the eyes and say, “I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t even want to try. I know what it brings, and I don’t want to go back there again.” I gulp down my emotions, trying to look past the pure devastation coursing through this man in front of me. “Love isn’t in the cards for us, Hollis. I’m sorry.”
Love. Funny fucking thing it is. An emotion we are all born with that consumes this world whether it be love for your family, your neighbor, or your soul mate. Love makes this world spin, and yet, there are people like me who don’t want it but still are forced to deal with the all-encompassing emotion.
I hate myself for doing this today, a day that should behisbest day ever. A day of celebration.But he will be better without me. He’s too good for someone like me. He needs someone amazing like his sister. Like his mom.
Not me.
I don’t want to fall in love.
I glance at Hollis one more time. His gorgeous blue eyes are filled with pain, his shoulders slumped, and his posture completely deflated.You’re too good for me. I’m not enough. Not for you.
