Page 137 of Stroked Long
She’s my fucking air.
***
I’ve spent the last twelve years of my life in the spotlight, practically naked and very wet, baring it all for billions on one of the biggest stages in the world. I’ve competed against the best swimmers in the world. I’ve stepped outside of my comfort zone and interviewed with national networks. I’ve spent countless hours teaching children how to swim despite my insecurities.
Nerve-racking moments for me. However, I’ve never felt as uneasy, as shaky, as fucking terrified as I do walking down Ruby’s apartment’s hallway. For some reason, I feel like a dead man walking, preparing for the worst, praying for the fucking best.I want to love her with everything in me.
I turn the corner and catch my breath. Ruby is standing in front of her door, looking in her clutch for her keys. I take a moment to observe her. She’s so fucking beautiful. Drop-dead gorgeous actually. Her hair falls over her shoulders in waves, her back, bare and begging for my hand to caress it. That dress . . . clinging to her heart-shaped ass, and that red lipstick . . . Fuck what I wouldn’t do to see that staining every inch of my body.
My feet propel me forward, my heart hammering in my chest, my palms sweating profusely. Fuck, she makes me nervous.
“Hey.”
“Pervert!” She startles and screams, pulling her lipstick out of her purse and holding it in my direction in self-defense. When her eyes focus on me, and she recognizes me, she lowers her lipstick and holds her chest. “Bodi, what are you doing here?”
I close the distance between us and take in her reddened eyes. She’s been crying. I couldn’t hate myself more.
“I, uh, want to talk to you.” Real fucking smooth, Banks.
“Okay,” she says hesitantly. Without another word, she unlocks her door and lets me in. She flicks the lights on and I’m taken back by the amount of knitted scarves that rest on her couch. She notices my perusal and says, “I’ve had some spare time.”
As I take in the sweet smell of her apartment, of her, and I hear the distinct sound of her lock being put in place. My stomach rolls. Fuck, does she look at me and think of that moment in the hotel? Does she even think of me as a man anymore?
Lauren’s words run on repeat.Be a man. Love the fuck out of her.
A surge of confidence propels me. I turn and stand in front of her. I entwine our fingers together. God, she’s so warm, so soft. Just the small touch of her hand has my body filling with air. I speak my mind, not letting my insecurities run me scared. “I love you, Rubes.”
Her eyes search mine, her lip trembles, and in one blink of her eyes, tears are streaming down her cheeks. Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.Why is she crying?
Does she feel guilty for not loving me anymore? Before she can turn me down, I make my case.
“I’ve lived a pretty bland life. Some might say I’m lucky that I have a talent that comes along every generation, that I’m one lucky son of a bitch, but I’ve never seen my life like that. I’ve seen it in black and white. I’ve seen routine, and I’ve seen results from that routine. I’ve kept my life simple, never letting anyone in it because it would put a hitch in my schedule. It was easy, but it wasn’t living.” I squeeze her hand, hoping she can feel my love. “Then you came along. The artist I never expected to fall for. You took your paintbrush and blasted my life with color in every direction. You turned my bland life into something of beauty, changing my routine forever. For the best, Rubes. You showed me what it’s like to live, to love.” I take a breath and step closer. “You once told me you were made for loving me. At the time I couldn’t believe you. I didn’t know how to believe you. But now? I know you’re right. You were brought to me to heal my heart’s scars. I told you I would fuck this up, that I would somehow hurt you. I begged you to be patient with me as I pulled my head out of my ass. I hate that I’ve caused you pain, Rubes.I know I’m not easy. I still have a ways to go, but I’m working with my psychiatrist, Dr. Auburn. I want to share my story with you, Ruby. It might take some time, but I want to share me with you. Please tell me I haven’t lost you forever because I’ve been waiting so fucking long for you.”
The hand I’m not holding grips my cheek, her thumb runs across my newly grown beard. And the smile I have missed so much graces her beautiful face. “You sweet, man. You can never lose me. I’m yours forever.”
Holy fucking hell . . . she still loves me. My Rubes, she fucking loves me.
A single tear slips down my cheek. Ifinallyunderstand pure joy. Her hand slips to the back of my neck and pulls, bringing my lips to hers. She’s a whisper away from me as she says, “I love you, Bodi Banks. I love you so much.”
I rest my forehead on hers, relief beating through me. “I love you, Rubes.”
As our lips connect, I vow I will be the man she deserves for the rest of my life.
I will cherish the fuck out of her.
I will spoil the fuck out of her.
I will worship the fuck out of her.
But most importantly, I will love the fuck out of her . . . until my dying day.
Epilogue
RUBY
“I’m finishing what I started when we get back home,” Bodi says, eying me from over the hood of his truck.
