Page 132 of Stroked Long
“I’m so sick of these fucking questions,” I exhale, slouching on the couch across from Dr. Auburn.
“Okay, then what do you want to talk about?”
“Nothing. I want to talk about nothing. I just want to sit in silence.”
“Then let’s sit in silence.”
***
“Jeans again, still haven’t gotten to your laundry?”
I cross my ankle over my knee and place one of the throw pillows on the couch over my lap. “Nah, I did it last night.”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “You decided to dress up for me?”
“Have to for someone.” There is no life to my voice as I speak.
“Tomorrow is the gala.” He says it more as a statement rather than a question. I nod. “Are you going?”
Am I going?Good fucking question. Do I want to go to a social event where I’m predestined to have some kind of panic attack from being in a room with donors wanting to talk to me about the Olympics? Not fucking appealing whatsoever.
But Eva will be there.You will be there and you will put on your best face. Don’t let me down.
Ruby.
Fuck, Ruby will be there and what I wouldn’t give to catch a glimpse of her, to see her beautiful face one more time. The thought of seeing her puts my foot one step closer to attending. Too bad I know it will be a masochistic move since I won’t do anything about my feelings for her.
I shrug, still unsure of my decision.
“What are your reasons for not going?”
“Don’t want to have a panic attack.”
“That’s a valid reason. Have you had one recently?”
“No,” I answer honestly.
“And your obsessions, are they subsiding?”
“No, I still do them.”
“To the extent that you were?”
“No.”
“That’s progress, Bodi.”
It’s not progress. No, it’s called being exhausted out of my goddamn mind.
***
“Are you going tonight?”
I’ve wavered between going to the gala and not going all day. I got one hour of sleep, which is showing gravely.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, do you want to go over the pros and cons of attending?”
