Page 56 of Stroked Long
“Do you want anything more than that?”
“Of course I do.” I bite into a muffin, not really enjoying it, but if I don’t eat something my metabolism is going to eat my own damn stomach. “But there are so many complications that come with extending any kind of relationship with Ruby beyond friendship. I have so much fucking baggage, Eva, and I don’t think she would be willing to stick around when she sees it all. And fuck, I’m awkward.”
“She is aware.”
“She is?” My head snaps up. “She told you I was awkward?” Shit, that’s embarrassing. Like I do with all people apart from Coach, Eva, and Lauren, I have developed an effective and practiced façade of cool and calm. And with Ruby, I’ve tried even harder so she doesn’t see me as some awkward piece of crap who doesn’t know how to talk to a girl.
“No.” Eva chuckles, not helping the rapid increase of my heartbeat. “But she’s been around you long enough to know you’re awkward. Come on, you were awkward at the coffee house. I know you try hard not to be, but there are times you show it and that’s okay. It’s endearing, makes you seem human and not like some uptight Olympian who has no desire to talk to anyone.”
“Does she think that of me?”
“NO!” Eva answers, exasperated. “I will not be your little messenger. If you want to find out how she feels about you, then you’re going to have to ask her yourself.”Holy. Fuck. No.
“Yeah, I can’t do that.” I rub my palms on my pants. “I’m a pussy, I know, but I have to work this slowly. Baby steps. It’s all new to me, outside my comfort zone, so I think I’m going to tell her I want to be friends.”
“Aww, something every girl wants to hear,” Eva says sarcastically.
“Come on, Eva.”
Placing her hand on mine, she smiles up at me. “You know I’m kidding. I think that’s a good idea. Friends first . . . lovers later.”
“Don’t say lovers.” I laugh.
“Aww, that makes my heart feel better, hearing that laugh of yours. She’s working at the club today; I say you pay her a little visit.”
“This isn’t going to be easy, is it?” I ask, already starting to feel the nerves rolling around.
“For you, no, but I’m pretty sure Ruby will let you off easy. She’s cool like that.”
“Yeah.” I exhale. “She’s pretty damn cool.”
***
My palms are sweaty; my anxiety is at an all-time high; and I’m so fucking nervous I’m two seconds from retreating. I’m sitting in the classroom next to the one Ruby teaches in, leaning against some cabinets while holding a bouquet of daisies—Eva’s idea. One of the girls who works at the club is pulling Ruby out of the classroom right now and what should be a two-minute task seems like an hour as I wait impatiently, running my apology over and over in my head.
Just as I’m about to give up and leave, the door to the classroom opens and Ruby enters, looking confused and asking, “What’s going on?” over her shoulder. When she turns toward me, her face falls and her cheeks redden.Shit. She doesn’t look happy.Is she embarrassed?
From behind, the girl who helped me shuts the door, giving us complete privacy.
“Hey,” I say lamely.
Looking around, Ruby asks, “Um, can I help you with something, Bodi?” She’s being professional. I have to hand it to her; she’s much stronger than I am.
Extending the flowers out to her like a robot, I say, “I got you flowers.”
A little finesse, Bodi. Christ.
She doesn’t move so I realize I have to make a better attempt at this apology. I can’t be Robot-Bodi; I need touse my feelings.I sound like Eva.
Stepping forward, I hand her the flowers, and she graciously takes them. What I think is going to warm her up, only confuses her even more. Her brow is furrowing.
Sticking my hands in my pockets, I shift in place and take a deep breath. “I was an ass this morning. I know you heard what I said to Eva, and I want you to know I didn’t mean any of it.”
“Bodi, you don’t need to explain,” Ruby cuts in. “We’re colleagues, I get it. Last night I overstepped your boundaries and asked too much. I apologize and promise it won’t happen again. From now on, we act strictly professional toward one another.”
Fuck that and fuck me. This is not the same Ruby I’ve grown to know.Like. Feel safe around.There isn’t a spark in her eye, a smirk to her pouty lips, or energy in her beautiful voice. She’s lacking her sparkle, and it’s slowly splintering me in half.Because I caused this.
“I don’t want that,” I say honestly. “You are more than someone I work with, Ruby.” I grab the back of my neck, feeling unsure of my footing, and then choose to speak to her honestly. “I’m not good with this kind of stuff, and I really have no experience, but you make me want to try. Maybe we can be friends.”
