Page 122 of Stroked Long
For the life of me I can’t figure out what she might want. All I can consider is what I would like, what I need, and that’s the feel of Ruby’s skin against mine. Taking the selfish route, I plug my phone into my charger on the nightstand and crawl into bed. A clothed Ruby greets me.Clothed?
Fuck, so not what I wanted. Is she mad? Last time she was upset, I brought her flowers. Is that something I should do now? I have no fucking clue. I’m at a total loss right now.
Testing the waters, I slide in behind her, my nerves completely shot, and move my hand around her stomach to pull her into my chest. She doesn’t protest, instead she makes a soft sound and allows me to hold on to her.
I bury my face in her hair and breathe in her sweet scent, the scent that has me waking up in the morning, feeling guilty as fuck for taking this woman into my fucked-up world.
If tonight isn’t an indication of that, I don’t know what is.
I feel so fucking unsteady right now. I hold on to her tight, willing the panic boiling in the pit of my stomach to simmer.
Eva is going to text. Eva is going to text. Eva is going to text.
I repeat myself over and over again in threes until I’m so fucking tired I pass out, holding on to the only lifeline I have right now, the one life line I don’t fucking deserve.
***
BANG.
“What the fuck?” I startle out of bed, confusion consuming me as I try to gain my whereabouts. The faint glimmer of the sunrise fills the hotel room, casting an eerie glow around the space.
BANG.
My chest seizes, my entire body instantly turns cold as slick sweat coats me. My heart is beating out of my chest, my breathing is almost non-existent, and flashes of that night start to pop into my head.
The blood-curdling screams from my mom.
Two gunshots ringing through the house.
The cold tile of the tub freezing my skin.
Eva’s voice ringing through my head.
We have to call 9-1-1.
Eva.
Fuck. Eva!
Where is she? The bar. She was drunk. The promise of a text message. Fuck, I passed out without seeing her response. I reach for my phone, so discombobulated I can’t figure out how to turn it on; I can’t find the button. My mind is warring back and forth between the past and the present, mixing sounds and smells, bringing that painful, life-changing moment to the forefront of my mind.
Focus, Bodi. Press the home button.
Steadying my hands, I find the button and watch my phone come to light. I type my password in feverously, messing up twice, and finally unlocking the screen.
Zero text messages from Eva.Zero texts from Eva.
“Fuck!” I cry out, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
“Is everything okay?” Ruby asks in a sleepy voice, scaring the shit out of me. I completely forgot she is here.
I don’t answer her, I can’t. I need to make sure Eva is okay. I call her cell phone but she doesn’t pick up, so I call Lauren’s. Straight to voicemail.
My throat tightens on me, as my legs start to go numb. This is not happening. This is so not fucking happening.
Tearing my phone off the charger, I walk into the other room and start pacing the floor as I repeatedly dial Eva’s number, over and over again.
“Bodi,” Ruby says with concern. “What’s going on?” She looks disheveled, her hair matted, her clothes askew, her hands twisting together. She’s not the same Ruby I’m used to, the happy-go-lucky Ruby, the joyful and contagious Ruby. No, she’s a nervous wreck, thanks to me.
