Page 42 of Rise of the Pakhan

His words sting, reminding me of what I am and why I’m here.

"For myself," I say, slightly embarrassed. "So I can understand what's happening around me."

He considers this, tilting his head to the side. "Alright. What do you know so far?"

"Only a few words. I can’t say them that well, though."

“Let me hear them.”

I think back to the basement, Grigori’s voice, sharp, cruel and always angry. “Blyad. He said that a lot."

Roman folds his arms. “Yeah. I bet he did.”

"Hmm. Let’s see. Oh, he saidsuka. That’s another word he liked to use. He’d say it to Madam Belova whenever he was mad."

I hesitate, lowering my gaze. "He yelled it at me too. Sometimes right before he slapped me.”

Something dark flashes across Roman's face. It’s there and gone so fast, I wonder if I imagined it. He closes his eyes, rubs his temple, exhaling deep. “What else?”

I search my memory, recalling Grigori standing over Madam Belova, red-faced with spit flying from his lips.

"Zat…zatk…" I stumble over the syllables.

"Zatknis.”

"Yes. That’s the word.” I nod. “He said it and then she’d immediately stop talking.”

He gives a slow nod. "You’re already ahead. You learned the important ones.”

"Will you teach me more?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Tomorrow. We can start with the alphabet. It’s Cyrillic.” He puts a finger to his chin. “It’ll take some time. You’ll have to relearn how to write since our letters don’t look like English."

“Oh. Is it hard?”

Roman let out a low laugh. “I don’t know, I learned that in first grade. If you’ve never seen it before, then it might be hard.”

“It’ll take a long time, then.”

“Maybe. I’m not a teacher. Look, we just have to figure out the best way to do it, if you actually want to learn it.”

"I do. Plus, I have lots of time.”

"Yeah. You do."

Our gazes lock. Warmth spreads through me again, my skin tingling, muscles tight and aching for something I don’t fully understand. I want to move closer, close enough to touch him. To… kiss him?

"Anything else you want?"

I bite my lip. There’s definitely something. Something I know I shouldn’t ask for but it’s killing me inside not having this.

"I'd like to go outside again." The words come out quiet, almost a whisper. I’m not sure he heard it until I see his features immediately close up and all I get is silence.

My stomach fills with dread. "I know I can't,” I rush out. “I know it's not safe. I'm not asking you to let me do anything. I only meant, someday. In the future, if it’s okay.” I try to calm my breathing. “I just thought it would be nice to see the stars or feel the sun, if there’s ever any sunshine here."