Page 15 of Unwanted
The small house in the middle of town was totally silent. Nothing looked trashed or anything like that. There didn’t seem to have been any type of struggle. Fen walked through each room before searching for any hint of where Leif might have gone. He found a note on the fridge.
Audor,
I imagine you’ll be the only one who looks for me. Sorry for skipping out like this without a goodbye. I suppose you heard about Fen and Kyrie.
Fen sat. It hurt his heart that it looked as if he was part of the problem.
Between your finding your mate, and now Fen also being blessed with what I prayed so hard for all those decades, I just can’t do this any longer. Aspen is here, and it’s just too hard. I hate that I sound like an asshole right now, but I know I’ve been acting like one too. You have no idea how much that bothers me. You’re my best friend. Unfortunately, the anger and bitterness have beaten me. The jealousy doesn’t care that you’re like a brother to me. Centuries of service to Celeste has meant nothing. All these years of being filled with pride at knowing I honored my goddess have absolutely been a waste. She obviously doesn’t feel I’m worthy, and I can’t keep kneeling at her feet any longer. So, I guess it’s time to do something else, free of this chore. Please let Frost know it’s not personal. I have to do this for me. I have to cut this tie before the anger buckles me. It’s been an honor to be your friend. Long may you live in peace and happiness.
Leif.
Fen stared at the note, seeing nothing. He understood. Fen couldn’t say he hadn’t experienced the same thoughts in his centuries of service. More so, of late. He had been on the verge of losing hope too. Maybe that was why Kyrie still felt too good to be true. In his heart, he knew there was a slight disconnect he kept hidden. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Inno way was he more deserving than Leif. It felt odd as hell to go from the deepest despair to having the biggest blessing bestowed upon an immortal: a permanent love to walk with until the end of time. Time truly was unending when a person was alone. He didn’t think Leif could be blamed for his decision. Not that he knew how Celeste reacted to having a warrior turn their back on her. He very much knew what she did to people who abused the powers given to them. Fen had been one of the old king’s personal guards. He had been there to witness her wrath. King Adair had abused his position in some of the worst ways. When Celeste had snapped her fingers, turning him to naught but dust, all Fen had felt was relief. Fen didn’t want to see the same happen to Leif. They had only worked together a short spell. Really no time at all in their eternal lives. But from what he had seen, Leif was a good man whose only fault had been falling deeply in love with a bear he would never have. It was just sad for everyone involved.
Audor strolled into the kitchen. His expression was completely devoid of emotion. Still, Fen felt the pain he kept hidden. Leif and Audor had been a team since their Viking days. This would be a real blow to him.
“So he’s gone, then.”
It hadn’t been a question. Audor already knew. Fen handed him the letter. “This was on the fridge.”
Just as Fen had done, after only a few short lines, he sat at the kitchen table. His gaze moved over the paper in a way that screamed he read the words a dozen times. Finally, Audor dropped the paper and sat back in his seat. “Well.”
“Aye.” Fen honestly didn’t know what to say. A part of him felt like he should apologize, but he wouldn’t. As much as Leif had earned the same blessing Fen had been given, Fen also deserved the amazing mate Celeste had passed to him. Life wasn’t a pie to be divided. He didn’t know why some people got chosen and others didn’t. Sometimes he wondered if even Celeste knew. Maybe even Celeste was a victim of the whims of the Fates, pulling everyone’s strings. Things just were what they were.
“Tell me how I can help.” That was all Fen could offer. It wasn’t as if they could or would give up the unheard of pairing they had gotten.
Audor shook his head. “Tell me how and why this happened to us and not him.”
“I can’t.” All Fen had was honesty. “As much as I know I deserve a mate, I don’t know why I was given a wolf. Why now? Why us? I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t know what’s changed in the heavens. But absolutely it’s nae fucking fair to Leif. I saw the way he looked at Aspen when he came to town.”
Audor nodded. “When they were together, their love was almost cloying.” Audor’s ice blue stare bored into him. “So too was the fear of watching one or the other wake up in love with someone else, all because they stood no chance. It was like walking on eggshells, holding your breath. When they parted ways, it was almost a relief, as horrible as it is to say.”
“Nae as terrible as it would’ve been to watch one see the other with their true mate.”
“Exactly. That would’ve been soul crushing, and I get it. When I fell in love with Waylon, I felt the same. He kept bringing up how we were temporary. Any chance of forever with us was impossible. I finally had to walk away to save myself. We weren’t together that long by any sort of comparison. I can’t even imagine spending decades building a life only to have to finally come to grips with reality. Now that reality is all skewed. He’s right to be angry.”
“Aye.”
They held each other’s stare. A silent message passed between them. This was bad, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop whatever came next.
Chapter Eight
Fencamehometofind Kyrie sitting on his doorstep. He looked every bit as defeated as Fen felt. This was supposed to be their time, yet they were forced to carry the guilt of being chosen for some bigger-than-them plan or whatever. Fen didn’t say a word. He simply scooped Kyrie from the stoop and carried him inside. Kyrie never looked away from him. There was no need to speak. They equally understood how rare and precious they were—and that was the problem. Countless beings had been in their shoes since the beginning of time. Yet for some unknown reason, they had been brought together as nearly strangers and with Kyrie so young to boot. They saw the unfairness and felt the jealousy pressing in on them. Life should be so beautiful for them now. The circumstances made a picture-perfect life feel like no more than a dream. Maybe they should run too.
“Don’t even think that. It’d be a slap in Celeste’s face if you walked away now.”
Fen had known Kyrie would hear those thoughts. Maybe part of him wanted Kyrie to take the decision from him.
He felt the heavy sadness as it filled Kyrie. Fen sat on the couch, keeping Kyrie on his lap and in his arms. He stared at Kyrie, waiting for him to say what pain he hid.
Kyrie stared at his lap. When he finally spoke, it was barely a whisper. “Maybe it’s a slap in my face how much you regret this.”
It was like getting stabbed in the heart. The absolute heartbreak of Kyrie’s one hundred percent belief that Fen regretted him was too much. Kyrie’s pain choked him. He had been so unwanted and rejected his entire life. Fen saw and felt it all. Kyrie’s suffering took down the wall Fen had seen in Kyrie’s mind, and it was there. Him, being a literal toddler, listening to adults—his family—discuss who would get stuck with him: the abomination. They hadn’t known he was part god. All they had seen was a mixed-breed puppy. His entire childhood, one adult right after the other, simply packed him up one day and sent him to be someone else’s burden. Then he saw the overwhelming happiness that came when he met Neo. The vampire family had been thrilled to have a second son. Kyrie loved them with all his heart. It hit Fen. The only time Kyrie had mentioned Neo, he had said his best friend was a vampire. Was. Past tense. Kyrie had gotten his first job. All it had taken was three nights of him working, leaving them alone, and the three had been slaughtered by some unknown entity. Kyrie might not know who had done this terrible thing, but he knew it was his fault. They had known his secret. It wasn’t like a teenaged wolf could hide his thoughts from a pack of vampires. To his soul, Kyrie knew their murder was his fault. Someone sought him. So Kyrie had kept to himselffor the most part, never sharing his secret again. Now he had opened himself to Fen, only to see everything slipping away and rejecting him all over again, except that wasn’t happening. Fen wasn’t going anywhere and he sure as hell didn’t regret a damn thing about them.
Fen kissed Kyrie’s forehead and let him see the hundreds of years he lived without Kyrie. The endless battles and the worst possible king until a few years back. All the nights of coming home to nothing but silence. Then he showed Kyrie the moment he saw that faint scar on Kyrie’s wrist. Everything inside him had shifted at that moment. His long existence had suddenly been worth every bit of his wait because he had been given the most beautiful man alive who also made him smile like he hadn’t in centuries. Fen had been so moved, he had fought tears that night.
He heard Kyrie swallow, as if it was painful. “I’m sorry. I get that it seems like I don’t trust in us. It’s just I—”
Fen cut him off. He couldn’t listen to Kyrie berate himself to bleed for Fen. Fen didn’t need that. “Stop. I understand. In our world, I know it’s different and everything is supposed to immediately be one hundred percent perfect. You’re supposed to just know nothing will ever go wrong because this is your other half. But when life has never given you a damn thing except what can go wrong, it’s hard as hell to believe there’s anything out there that won’t eventually bring you nothing but pain.”
