Page 79 of The Jealousy Pact

“A compulsive liar?” Henry suggests.

“Creative,” Kaito corrects. “I trust you more than her.”

“Bros before hoes and all that,” Declan says.

They chuckle, and I sink into the bench with relief.

Declan stretches his arm. “There was an upside to what Tiana said. For a moment we thought we had proof you’d lost your V-card.” He grins.

I roll my eyes. “Jesus, Declan.”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” Declan says, putting his hands up in surrender.

I laugh because the guys often joke about my virginity. They don’t know for certain if I’m a virgin, because I refuse to talk about it, even when we discuss sex all the time. Even when I was younger, I listened rather than joined in their conversations.

Maybe part of the reason I don’t talk about my virginity in particular — apart from avoiding the whole sex topic — is that I don’t know if I’m a virgin. Sure, I’ve never had intercourse. But I’ve had other kinds of sex …

My eyes slide over to Henry. His eyes catch mine, and his cheeks bloom with pink. I’m about to knock my knees against his, but I stop myself. I can’t touch him like that anymore.

“You can’t blame us for being curious, though, Noah,” Declan continues. “You’re very secretive about your love life.”

My laugh is more high-pitched than usual.

“It’s better this way, you not dating Eve,” Henry says. “Now you don’t look like a sucker.”

“A sucker?”

“Having sex with your girlfriend after you caught her cheating on you.”

“Oh yeah,” Declan says. “She was with Oliver at the party.”

“She was drunk,” I add. “Shit, people must think I’m such a loser to sleep with someone after they cheated on me.”

“Since when did you care what people thought?” Henry asks. A light breeze ruffles his hair. I remember that I’m never going to slide my fingers through his hair again.

Declan recounts cleaning Craig’s house to Kaito and Henry, and I look at the horizon of trees beyond the manicured grounds of Easton Grammar.

I force myself not to stare at Henry, but I can think about him. We’re going back to the way things were between us, but I don’t know how long I’m going to last.

I wish things were different. I wish we could be together. I wish he wanted me the way I want him. But these are all desperate daydreams.

25

Eve: This Is Bad

I arrive at my locker late, taking a detour after Maths class to swing by student reception and check the notices on the pinboard there. As I dig through my school bag for food, I calculate I have ten minutes left of recess to kill.

I could spend five minutes eating, and the remaining five reading in the library, pretending to not be a loner who lost her best friend.

When I close my locker door, Ruby’s waiting for me behind the door, and I almost have a heart attack.

“You scared me.” I clutch my chest and stare at her. I thought she was going to give me the silent treatment for a week, but she’s here. She’s not smiling, and her eyes aren’t warm, but she’s here. “Um. Hi.”

“Hi.” She hesitates. “Want to come to the canteen with me?”

I’m surprised, but I nod anyway, and we fall into step as we walk away from the locker area, like old times. And by old times, I mean last week.

“Look,” I say, “I want to apologise for what happened at the party. My memory’s a little fuzzy — and I’m not saying that as an excuse, I mean my facts might be wrong — but I heard accounts of what happened. I should have told you about Oliver. I didn’t because I knew you’d be mad, and also because I thought nothing would come of it. He’d never like me back, so what was the point? The crush would go away soon enough. They always do.”