Page 2 of Hawk (Road Rebels MC 1)
When that fateful night happened-- that night when The Devil Saints blindsided us-- I couldn’t breathe. I understood hand-to-hand combat. I understood knife fights. I understood how to use things around me to defend myself. But I had always been squeamish around guns. My father taught me how to defend myself in multiple ways, but I never could stomach the cool feeling of that popping metal against my skin. The Devil Saints had ambushed our lodge, screaming about how my father was fucking their President’s wife.
I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t think for one second that my father would’ve done something that stupid. Bullets whizzed by our heads while I cowered behind some barrels, clinging to my father as he tried to get me to calm down. I kept asking him if it was true. If he really was sleeping with one of their women.
His lack of an answer gave me everything I needed to know.
“Sydney. What are you doing here?” Hawk asked.
His voice pulled me from my thoughts. I looked down at Emery as her big doe eyes focused on me, and for a second I had to remember. I had to take in what was happening around me. How I ended up on his doorstep.
Tears rose in my eyes as I slowly panned my gaze back up to his.
“We’ve got nowhere else to go, Hawk,” I said breathlessly.
Without another word exchanged, he stepped off to the side. I ushered Emery in with both of our bags slung around our shoulders. I felt them sliding from my shoulder as I tried to catch them, then I realized Hawk was clutching them. His arms flexed with strength as the veins in his neck began to bulge slightly, and as my eyes met his, I felt that telltale electricity ricochet up my spine.
It was like he was looking right through me. Piercing through my act as I licked my lips.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“I… don’t know,” I said honestly.
“Come sit down. I’ll get you a beer. Would…?”
He looked down at Emery who was slowly exploring the house. She always had her father’s adventurous spirit. Not afraid of anything. Not even strangers. She’d take off in a crowd chasing a balloon because she wanted that damn balloon and wouldn’t give a second thought as to the danger she was in.
Every time I looked at her, I saw Hawk.
“If you have milk, that’ll be just fine for her,” I said.
“Her…” he whispered.
“Emery,” I said.
“Huh?”
“Her name is Emery.”
Hawk nodded before he dropped our stuff to the side. He shuffled on into the kitchen, and I slowly approached our daughter. I couldn’t imagine the shock surging through Hawk’s system right now, so I knew I had to tread lightly.
If he threw us out, we would be homeless.
“Here,” he said as he placed the cold glass against my skin. “Take it. Ya look like you could use it.”
“Thanks. I think.”
I watched him go over and kneel down next to Emery. Her eyes met his, and instantly she smiled. Her fingertips came up and touched his eyes, recognizing the color as her own while she giggled. Her hands migrated over Hawk’s nose, something else of his she’d stolen while she was growing within me, and for a second I saw a smile tug at Hawk’s cheeks.
“Milk?” he asked.
“Thanks,” she said lightly.
He stayed kneeled down, just taking her all in while she looked out into the backyard. I’d been to this house so many times, but a lot had been added on in the time I’d been gone. Hawk built a guesthouse out back as well as installed a hot tub. He’d always been one to enjoy the finer things in life. When his father was living, the house was bare. The only furniture in the home was what his father absolutely needed and nothing else.
With Hawk, however, there were a few decorative pieces as well as a fresh coat of paint.
“The place looks nice,” I said.
“Took some work after Dad died,” he said.
“What’s your name?” Emery asked.
“My name?” Hawk asked.
“Yeah.”
“Hawk. What’s yours?” he asked.
“Emery.”
“Well, Emery. It’s really nice to meet you,” he said.
“You have my color eyes,” she said.
I froze, the beer bottle tipped up at my lips as Hawk slowly threw his gaze my way. I knew there were questions he deserved answers to. Questions he would eventually ask before I could even consider asking if we could stay. He deserved all those answers, but I didn’t want to do any of that in front of Emery.
She wasn’t ready for that just yet.
“Would you like to go play outside?” Hawk asked.
“Mommy? Could I?” she asked.
“Of course, sweetheart. Just stay where I can see you.”
Emery took her milk outside and went to lay on the grass. She could spend hours looking up at the sky and naming all the shapes in the clouds she saw. I walked over and stood by Hawk while the both of us sipped our beers, and after a few minutes, he finally broke the silence.
“What do you mean ‘you have nowhere else to go’?” he asked.
“Mom’s dead, and we’re on the run,” I said matter-of-factly.
“You’re gonna have to unpack that a bit,” he said.
“You know how my father said my mom died?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Well, she didn’t. He just said that so she could go live her life.”
“Oh.”
“Those letters I always wrote as a kid? You remember ‘em?” I asked.
“Yep. I remember you stuffin’ ‘em away so I couldn’t see them,” he said.
“They were to her.”
“Oh.”
His eyes were trained heavily on Emery. He watched her lay there in the grass and giggle at the clouds. He watched her roll around and run in circles. He wanted her to entertain herself and study the bugs on the ground.
And I could’ve sworn the shadow of a grin was wafting across his face.
“She’s just fine by herself, isn’t she?” he asked.
“Yep. Reminds me of someone I know,” I said.
“She’s mine, isn’t she?” he asked.
I turned towards him and downed the rest of my beer. He turned his head but kept his body towards his daughter, silently showing where he already stood regarding his loyalty. I couldn’t blame him. Not after leaving him in the middle of the night like I did. If he never wanted to see me again, I wanted to make sure his daughter had access to him. Access to both parents.
Something I never had growing up.
“I swear to you, I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left,” I said.
“Why did you leave?” he asked.
“I just…”
Tears rose in my eyes as I recalled how much blood there was. How much blood my father bled out into the sand. How much blood had gurgled up into his throat. How much blood he’d spat onto my clothes.
How the life slowly drained from his eyes.
“I get it. Don’t worry,” he said.
“I’m sorry, Hawk,” I said, whispering.
“I take it you went to live with your mother,” he said.
“In Utah, yeah.”
“You said she’s dead. I’m sorry,” he said.
“It happens. Cancer. Took her as quickly as it popped up.”
“Were you happy?” he asked.
“What?”
“With her. Were you happy?”
“I was content. I was angry. I was lost and hurt. I blamed that type of lifestyle for taking my father, and when I found out I was pregnant I wanted my child to have more than that,” I said.
“So you kept her from her father.” A knot formed in my chest. As much as I didn’t want to agree with Hawk, he was right. I had kept Emery from him.
“It wasn’t like that, Hawk. I didn’t think it was-”
“Don’t worry. I get it,” he said with his words slightly clipped.
He always said that when he didn’t get
it. It was his way of dodging hard things he didn’t want to talk about at the time. I wanted to try and explain it to him. To tell him that I did try to get back to him. I was pulled between my mother trying to keep us safe and my duty to him. We’d grown up together. Trusted one another. We were stuck at each other’s sides, even when we didn’t want to be. I wanted to tell him that I was never really settled with the decision that I made.
