Page 47 of Killian (The Doherty Mafia)
Maybe there was a part of him that hoped someone would find me. It would make his task much easier.
I got myself off the floor and got dressed.
Then I went back to the kitchen, made myself a cup of coffee and sat at the table. There were still some cookies left over and I ate three of them one after the other.
I didn’t know what else to do. My hands were still shaking.
I was angry and frustrated.
Why wouldn’t he just face up to it?
I could see it in his eyes. He felt things he’d never experienced before. It reminded him of what happened with his mother. The last time he loved someone.
He didn’t want to be vulnerable again. I made him vulnerable and he hated that.
I understood.
I wished he would just let me help him.
If only he gave me a chance to explain that I understood him…
But he wasn’t going to give me that chance. Instead, he just decided to shut himself off again.
I didn’t know where he went or when he would be back. What made it worse was that I didn’t know how long I had left with him. I didn’t even know if we would be together tomorrow.
He could come back now and declare he was done with me. That he couldn’t handle me anymore and he was taking me back to Aldo.
Killian said he was determined to take care of me. That he was going to keep me safe. Apparently he had a plan. I told him I trusted him, but I didn’t know where it would lead.
How far was he actually willing to go to keep me safe?
Would he choose me over his family? Why would he?
I witnessed how much he loved his stepsister. I was aware of how close he was with his father and brothers.
He would never let me get in the middle of that.
Compared to them, I meant nothing to him. In reality, I wasn’t his responsibility.
For me, I had nobody to compare him with.
At that moment, it felt like Killian was the center of my world. I didn’t have anyone else.
I was falling in love with him, and it didn’t seem to matter how he treated me or what he planned to do with me.
What I felt for him was completely out of my hands now.
Twenty-Five
Killian
I needed to get some fresh air.
I wasn’t planning on fucking her. Not like that.
Not like my life depended on it.
The sex, as always, was amazing, but there was something different about the way she fucked me this time. It was like she wanted me to see her true self.
How brave and strong she was.
In those moments when she was riding my cock, I was assured of the fact that she would make the perfect partner to me.
Reese was exactly the kind of woman I needed by my side. The one who would keep me in check, who would have a positive influence on me because I could respect her. Because I knew she was a better person than me. She had more to offer to the world than I did.
I needed to get away from that feeling.
I had already decided I had to find an alternative arrangement for her. I didn’t know what it was going to be. I wasn’t exactly telling her the truth when I said I had a plan.
I just didn’t know what it was yet.
All I knew was I had to get her away from me before I fell deeper into this hole of my addiction to her.
So I ran out of the house, striding through the woods trying to collect myself again.
In a matter of just a few days, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. Who was this guy who woke up in bed next to a woman? Who was this guy who wanted to hold a woman after he’d blown his load in her?
I spent at least forty minutes walking around in circles until I decided to go back.
I knew it was stupid of me to keep leaving her there alone.
Could I truly trust her to stay put? Now that she knew I wasn’t keeping her forever.
Maybe she wasn’t planning on sticking around and I couldn’t blame her. But I couldn’t willingly let her run away either. That would truly fuck everything up.
When I walked through the door, I could already smell the chicken cooking in the oven.
Reese made dinner.
I could picture myself walking through that door, night after night, to the smell of a delicious home cooked meal that filled the house. To most people, that thought would have been heartwarming, but to me that thought was scary.
I’d never pictured my future as anything other than being alone.
Reese was reading a comic book at the table, and she looked up when I walked into the kitchen.
While I poured myself a glass of water from the faucet, I heard her breathe in deeply. I knew her well enough by now to know she was preparing to say something.
