Page 27 of On the Slopes of Tahoe
I’m saying things I’ll never be able to take back if she happens to change her mind, but at this moment, I’m beyond caring. She fucking left us. And it clearly wasn’t on a whim; she took the time to have a lawyer draw up the permanent release of her rights to Willow. She gave up her child, for what? A fling? For freedom? Fuck, I wouldn’t give up Willow for a single thing in this world, not even for more time with my own parents. She’s a part of me. She’s a part of Talia too, yet it wasn’t enough.
How could Willow not be enough?
“Fuck you, Talia. Fuck you, and fuck Drew. Don’t call me. Don’t ever come back. We’ll be fine. You don’t want this? Fine, we don’t need you. Goodbye.”
I press the red end call button so hard I’m surprised the screen doesn’t crack. Then, I do throw my phone—at the couch. I guess I have some semblance of control left.
I hang my head into my hands and cry.
We reach the bottom of the mountain and I’m winded. Planting my hands on my knees, I gulp in air, but it doesn’t want to fill my lungs.
“Bloody hell,” Wes says, skidding to a stop beside me with a spray of snow over my board. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you go so fast.”
I shake my head and plaster on a smile that I know doesn’t reach my eyes, but it’s the most I can muster after that. “Just wanted to enjoy the first run of the day on fresh powder before everyone tears it up.”
He studies me for a moment, whatever he sees in my face telling him not to press. Not right now. “Right. Well, that was amazing. Again?”
“Yeah, let’s go again,” I say. So we do, and I take it all out on the mountain.
We reach the lodge at midday to meet with Willow and Joss for lunch, and I’m surprised to find Rory waiting for us with all her gear. I didn’t know if she’d feel up to hitting the slopes after last night’s excitement. I also don’t know if I’m glad she’s here or embarrassed because of how I acted.
My brain went into “someone I care for is hurt” mode and I couldn’t help myself, but what if I came across more like an overbearing boyfriend? Grabbing her like that, hoisting her around the kitchen like a caveman… Then there was the tension as I held her—her head against my chest, hands gripped in my shirt, leg wrapped like a vise around my thigh. I’ve never felt anything so electric in my life.
I love Talia—lovedTalia—and with my affectionate nature, I imagine most would believe we had an intense physical connection. But that wasn’t the case. There was attraction, sure, but our chemistry, even when we were first dating, was never…electric.
It’s confusing to say the least. It doesn’t feel right to have any kind of response to a woman when it’s only been five weeks since Talia left. The mourning period for a nearly ten-year relationship should be longer than that. But also, if I’m going to feel something for someone… it shouldn’t be Rory,right?
I shake off my errant thoughts and we all pile in around the table. Willow takes the space between Wes and Joss, looking happy as ever. Part of me feels bad for taking her away from the support system we had in Sydney, but then I watch her wake up every day, positive and ready to take on the world, and I release myself from the guilt. A little.
“How’s your foot?” I ask Rory, keeping my tone light as I drop down next to her.
“It’s fine,Dad, thanks for asking,” she says with a sarcastic bite I’ve never heard from her, and I choke on my own saliva. If I’d been drinking, I would have spit across the table.
Well, hell… that was unexpected. I guess I wasn’t giving off the caveman/boyfriend vibes I thought I was last night, but was I giving offdadvibes…? I am so out of my depth here.
I’m not the only one spluttering over her comment. Wes is coughing into his hand and Joss snorts a laugh. Rory looks totally nonplussed, shrugging and facing Willow to ask about her lesson. My eyes flash to Wes, and he raises an eyebrow in my direction, just as unsure what to make of that comment as I am.
He joins me when I offer to go grab food for everyone and we walk together through the line.
“Listen,” Wes starts, and I stand up straighter at his tone. “I don’t know exactly what was said between you and Rory, but I know that y’all are awkward as fuck around each other right now. She didn’t give me much to go on, and she asked me to stay out of it, but could you clue me in?”
I stand, staring at my best friend, completely slack-jawed, unsure of what exactly he’s trying to ask.
“There’s nothing happening between me and Rory.”
“I know that. Bloody hell. She said something about you telling her to back off, like she was maybe trying too hard to be me. Ring any bells?”
“What? No, I never said that. I wasn’t…” I run a hand through the hair at the back of my neck and give it a tug. “Fuck, that isn’t what I meant.” I try to remember every word of our conversation in my kitchen. I’m sure I didn’t say that, but I guess it doesn’t matter if that’s how she took it. No wonder she could barely look at me yesterday.
I hurt her, didn’t I?
Wes is looking at me and I’m not sure how to respond. “Okay,” he says, drawing the word out. “Then what did you say?”
“I just—it was becoming too easy to rely on her help. She was incredible the first week we were here, and I kind of freaked myself out over it.” I blow out a breath, relieved to say these thoughts out loud. “We’re only here for so long, you know, and when we go home, I have to have my shit together. I have to be able to take care of Willow and handle our lives and do it all. By myself.”
When I pull my gaze away from the red tray in my hands, there’s hurt in Wes’s eyes.
“You will have help there, brother. We’re there. Me and Joss. You aren’t going to have to do this all alone and you know it.” His voice is firm. I know he and Joss will move heaven and earth to help us, but they also have lives… just like Rory.
