Page 10 of On the Slopes of Tahoe
If my broken, useless heart could feel something for anyone besides Willow right now, I think it would fall for Rory with the way she’s taking a bit of the burden off my shoulders.
The door clicks shut behind her and I fall into the couch. Letting Rory help feels like a slippery slope. I can’t become reliant on her. I can’t let her become a crutch over these next seven weeks, and I know it will be all too easy to do so. She’s already been more helpful and accommodating than I possibly deserve. Wes’s doing, no doubt. His guilt at not being here has manifested in lobbing the job of caretaking onto his sister. What I do know is that I cannot—will not—take advantage.
I tuck my daughter closely into my side and turn onBluey. She got plenty of sleep last night, but jet lag is telling us both that we should’ve been asleep for the last eight hours. While she lounges against me, her breathing evening out in a way that tells me she’s drifted off to sleep against my chest, I pull out my phone to text Wes.
Me
How were the waves this morning? Do they miss me?
It’s less than a minute before I feel a vibration in my hand that pulls me from the sight of four animated Queensland heelers dancing on the screen.
Wes
I don’t know about the waves, but we sure do. I did catch a couple extra ones for you though. Getting settled?
I turn on my camera and flip it to selfie mode, watching a wide smile spread across my cheeks, just enough to cover the exhaustion. I snap the picture at an angle to include a conked-out Willow, then hit send.
Wes
I miss her too. She doing okay?
I’m not sure how to answer that. Honestly, Willow has handled this better than I expected. The first few days after I told her, she cried a lot and asked plenty of questions, but aside from being a little moodier, she’s her usual bubbly self. I’m not really sure how to feel about that. I know what it was like not to process my grief as a kid—hell, I’m still doing it—and I don’t want that for her.
I didn’t want any of this for her.
Me
She seems fine, but how can she be?
Wes
I’m just going to say it. You seem fine too, but how can you be?
Well, shit. I can’t argue with that. I am trying to be fine. I need to be for Willow. Right?
Me
Touché
Wes
Sorry. I just want to be sure you’re really okay too.
Me
I will be, mate.
Wes
I’m here, you know, if you need to talk. You didn’t push me, and I’m not going to push you.
But I am here.
Me
I know. Thanks.
Rory’s been a god-send. She’s out shopping for Willow to get her properly outfitted for a Tahoe winter… something I dropped the ball on. There’s supposed to be a couple feet of new snow this week.
