Page 94 of The Love Scam

“Come to my wedding,” his twin coaxed.

“Wedding! Why do I have the feeling you should have been the one doing all the talking during this call?”

“You’d never have let me get a word in edgewise. I had to interrupt you just to issue an invitation. Yes, I am getting married. I, too, have been pierced by the dart of love.”

Rake made vomiting noises into the phone, which, oddly, seemed to please his twin, who continued happily: “And so I want to see you. I want Natalie to meet you.”

“Of course, you flapping asshole. Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Excellent.”

“So… you’re okay? You’ve got your dough back, I’ve got mine, we’re in love, happily ever after, blah-blah-blah?”

A sigh. “Never change, little brother. Yes, blah-blah-blah. I was ill for a bit but have recovered. You were taken prisoner—Nonna was vague on details and youwillshare the entire story before much longer—”

“No prob, since I finally have the entire story.”

“—and have likewise gotten over that. I’m not sure if Nonna anticipated the consequences when she hatched this plan to knock us into poverty and force us to become better human beings.”

“Speaking of Operation Fuck with You, I have more news: I’m a dad!”

“I don’t think that’s the name of the Op— What?”

“You heard me. I’m a proud papa.”

“That’s… that’s wonderful! Congratulations?” Blake’s bewildered and slightly panicked tone was as soothing as a massage. “How did—when can I—that means I’m an uncle.”

“Yep! Or possibly a father.”

“What? Rake, what are you talking about?”

“I’ll explain later, but you’re definitely an uncle. And even if you’re a father, it’s only on a biological level.”

“What does that even—”

“Listen, I can’t miss this flight—”

“Rake Tarbell.You will elaborate this minute!”

“Bye!”

“Rake? Rake? Don’t disconnect, you miscreant!”

“Gotta go!”

“Raaaaaaaaaaaaake!”