Page 93 of The Older Brother

“Yes, fucking way,” I say, holding her gaze for a beat before hers drifts behind me to the polished concrete steps she has commented on every time we walk by them.

“Come on,” I say, hopping out of the truck and zipping to her side to help her onto the curb.

She shuffles her feet at first, her head tilted up as she looks up at the tiny details of the kind of architecture that simply doesn’t exist anymore. I’m able to get her to focus when we reach the steps, and she puts the key in and opens the small hallway that leads to a door on the right and a set of stairs to our new home.

“It’s all ours. Well, this part is Old 66 North, but the upstairs . . . that’s just you and me.” I push open the downstairs door, and it creaks as I push it wide. The bell hanging above still rings, most of the dust having fallen off from the various walk-throughs Mig and I have made in the last few weeks.

“You’re expanding?” Her wide eyes swing to me, then scan the wide-open space waiting for our rebuild.

“We are. I’ll run this location while Mig handles Phoenix, and Jersey will just bounce between the two.”

“Jersey,” Saylor mutters through a raw laugh. “If he shows up at either of them.”

I chuckle at her laugh, then guide her through the space, pointing out where we plan to have displays of some of ourbest work as well as the office area. There’s a small bar that we plan to turn into the main counter, a leftover remnant from the building’s earlier days. We’ve found a guy who can retrofit the ornate wood and turn it into something special.

“And we’ll put the bays in here,” I say, waving my hand along the whole wall that leads to the alley in the back. “We’ve already started permits with the city to pave our portion back there, and then it should be easy to get cars in and out.”

“Rowan . . . it’s amazing.” She spins slowly, and I almost drop to one knee right now. But I want to get her in her dream home first, to make our first memory in the place we’ll live. So, I sweep her into my arms instead and carry her back to the steps, climbing up until we reach our new front door.

“Now, I’d carry you over the thresholds, but fair warning, there’s a hole in the floor.” I wince, and it takes her a moment to read my face and see that I’m not kidding.

“Oh. Yeah, uhm. I’ll walk on my own.”

I gesture to the keys in her hand, and she pushes the second one into the lock, swinging our new door open. The mustiness has faded a bit since Mig and I were up here last week, and thankfully, they’ve kept the curtains open since then as well, because otherwise, I’m afraid we’d accidentally find the hole I mentioned.

“Rowan,” she gasps, covering her mouth as her eyes flicker like a child waking up to snow on Christmas. “It’s . . . it’s everything.”

The sight of happy tears touching her eyes is more than I hoped for. I stand back as she runs her hand along the built-in wooden nook by the door, then continues into the family room, sliding her feet along the old wood floors.

“I love the dents and dings. I want to keep them. Can we keep them, Rowan?”

She turns to me, and I’m already on one knee. I couldn’t handle it. Seeing her sense of wonder, seeing her so happy, literally brought me to my knees.

“Oh,” she gasps, covering her mouth again and dropping the keys to the floor.

I push my hand deep into my pocket, snagging the edge of the setting with my fingernail to retrieve my grandmother’s ring, and I hold it out for her to inspect while I force feeling back into my smiling, numb lips.

“Saylor Kelly, I love you. And I know that it may seem like I’m a grumpy wreck sometimes, but since I met you, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned what I’m capable of. I’ve learned how to love someone with all my heart, and to tell the world so. I’ve learned to forgive, even when I don’t want to. And I’ve learned to share the hard things, not just the happy ones. Most of all, though, I have learned that while Icanlive without seeing you every damn day, I just don’t want to. So, what do you say? Will you turn me into a clingy motherfucker? Will you be my wife?”

Saylor’s hands clasp around mine, her fingertips sliding up to meet mine where the crown of the antique ring showcases a princess-cut diamond and two sapphires, her favorite color of blue.

When she begins to nod, I exhale, my head a little dizzy from holding my breath.

“Yeah?” I want to make sure.

“Yes, Rowan. Yes, I will marry you.” The tears begin trailing down her cheeks as she lets me push the ring onto her finger. The fit is a little big, but nothing we can’t fix. We’re used to growing into things, her and I.

“You should know, I asked your dad for permission. Like an old-fashioned cuss.” She laughs through her happy cry, noddingas she runs her arm over her nose and falls into my chest for my embrace. I hold on as I sway her, never wanting to let go.

“And my mom?” She tilts her head up enough to meet my eyes.

Saylor and her mom have made strides in their relationship for sure, but there’s still a lot of trust that needs to be rebuilt. They talk several times a week, and sometimes they cover deeper ground. But mostly it’s still casual —the kind of conversation had between coworkers. Maybe this proposal can be the first of many, though. A way to wedge open the door to becoming family again, however that needs to look.

“I thought you might want to handle that,” I say, and she nods.

“I do. I will.” She snuggles against me, and I reach into my pocket for my phone, pulling up her favorite song while I sway her in the middle of our dusty, perfect apartment.

The chorus always hits me, but something about hearing Mazzy Star’s haunting voice preach about fading into you hits extra hard this time, and I hold on a little tighter.

“I can’t wait to see it all evolve,” she says, shifting her head enough to gaze up at me. I bend down to kiss her softly, then smile and hold onto her amber brown eyes and promise to make everything in this place exactly the way she wants it.

She shakes her head, though, then sets me straight.

“We’ll make it ours. Just like we made us.”

THE END