Page 33 of My Best Friend's Dad

It’s hard not to smile at that. Mika is so like my mom sometimes, but unlike my mom, she doesn’t mean to imply that I don’t have enough brain cells to figure that out. Mika just worries about me because she loves me. Period.

“I’ll be careful,” I reiterate.

“Jumbo rats? Mouse armies? Gotta watch out for anything and everything. If you find a place, go prepared. Proper shoes and safety equipment are a must. Those places are Hantavirus waiting to happen.”

“I’ll make sure we have masks, safety glasses, sturdy shoes, and water. I…do you think it’s something your dad would like to do, or would it be triggering for him?”

“Triggering?”

“Something from his past that he used to do, and now he doesn’t.”

My hand clutches the phone a little tighter. Those guys in the furthest group on the green are the loudest. They’re laughing again, and I definitely just heard the word balls. Not in relation to golf either.

“He doesn’t do it anymore because he doesn’t have time.” Mika sounds so sure. “He’s busy running an empire. He could just sit back since he’s already so rich, but it’s the only thing that gives his life any meaning. If he quit that, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. I think he’d like to change it up. So, no, it’s not triggering. I’d say more like nostalgic.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm,” she echoes, then laughs. “Did he say anything about me?” She cleverly sneaks that in there like she doesn’t care, but I know just how much she does.

“He said that…”

I’m torn between being real with my best friend and protecting Rowleigh’s vulnerability. He’s a grown man, and he doesn’t need me to shield him from the world, but he told me those things in confidence, in such a way that pretty much screamed he doesn’t do that with just anyone.

“Yes?” Mika’s not even trying to hide her curiosity. That yes is practically a shove off a ledge.

I can’t lie to her and say that Rowleigh didn’t say anything. I don’t think it’s betraying him by being honest. I know Mika is in a place in her life where she’s open to adult feelings and examining what she thought were truths from her childhood.

You see things differently as you age.

You see yourparentsdifferently. You realize they’re just older versions of yourself. Flawed. Messed up. They don’t have it together any more than anyone else. They’re not infallible.

“He said he wished he would have done things differently with you. That he would have tried harder to be in your life if he knew it wouldn’t mess you up. It was so obvious that he wanted to get to know you far better than he did. I know you both are practically on an estranged level, and that causes him real pain. He knows he’s to blame. He thinks you’re wonderful and that you’re a great person, but he misses all those years that he can’t go back and do over.”

Mika was never bitter the way her mom obviously is. She was impervious to Marlene’s poisons, even as a kid.

She gulps noisily and covers it with a wet-sounding laugh that is a dead giveaway to the fact that she’s crying. “If he told youthat, then he’s definitely falling for you already. He’s notoriously closed off. You’re both a match that way.”

“I’m not closed off!” If Mika were here, I’d playfully smack her arm, and she’d probably shove me into the corner of this bench and tickle me right back.

“Not with the people you love,” she agrees. “Which is me and…okay, just me.”

The wind whips a strand of hair out of my neat bun, and I tuck it back behind my ear.

“You have a version of yourself that you give to the rest of the world. The friendly, cheerful, surface-level Bellatrix. I get the real Belly,” Mika says.

“You’re the only one who can call me Belly, that’s for sure.”

“Don’t be dismissive. It’s okay. We all do it. I’m honored to be your person. I love you exactly the way you are. But I do think someone needs to tell you that it’s okay to be loud and awesome and take up space in the world as you and not the tidy, fitting into neat little boxes you that your parents and clients want.”

“My clients just want a confident person to tell them that their wedding isn’t going to get all messed up. But fair enough. I have no disagreement when it comes to my family.” Mika has met my parents several times, and she’s heard enough from me over the years for her opinion to be accurate.

“Anyway, if you find something cool during picking, you should get it and put it in your place. Do the wallpaper you’ve been wanting. I’ll come over, and we’ll paint! We’ll put together bookshelves so you can look like you live in a library. All those paintings you’ve been storing in your pantry because you’re scared to put holes in the walls? And the creepy things you want to display but can’t because your mom thinks they will legit eat your soul? Pah, let’s do it. Let’s remake your place over! I bet if I asked my dad, he’d help.”

“No! I…well, the place maybe. I’ll have to think about it,” I mutter.

“Or you could just go for it because it’s your place, and you’re the one who bought and paid for it.”

“My parents gave me the down payment. They wanted it to be an investment.”