Page 16 of My Best Friend's Dad

It has to be the end of.

“No to the seduction,” I say, annoyed at how my voice gets breathy and wispy. “You’re going to have to work on him. Repair your relationship. If he sees that things can change between youboth, and it would be good for both of you to heal, then maybe he’d believe in love and goodness again.”

“And besides that?”

I start in on the evil brainstorming. I swear I’m normally not this good at villainous thinking. “Hire a fake PI to make fake dirt on your dad and send it to his future father-in-law. Silly stuff only, but with just enough shadow of a doubt to be real. Plan his stag, have something horribly embarrassing go wrong, and leak the footage so it goes viral. Phone every bug and vermin exterminator in the city with fake reports of mice, rats, roaches, bed bugs—the whole freaking works—and have them show up at a few of your dad’s hotels.”

“I want to save his life, not ruin it.”

“You’re right. That’s too mean.” The whole thing is a terrible idea. “If they have an open marriage and it’s all fake, then why can’t he just find love in his own time?”

“Because I know my dad. He’s too honorable to ever do that.”

“He wasn’t too honorable to be interested in me last night.” I feel like the world’s biggest toe wort to put that out there, but it needs to be said. I’ve been open and honest about all this.

“He’s not married yet, and you’re a one-off. You’re like theonewoman who has caught his attention, I swear. My mom knows about this. He’s never dated again. If he’s slept around, he’s kept it so low-key that it either doesn’t happen often or at all.”

“Your mom doesn’t know everything. He’ll probably be just fine. He’s a grown man. He has to know what he’s doing.”

Mika falls to the floor in a dramatic heap. The only thing she doesn’t do is drape a hand over her forehead and loudly declare,I’ve been slain,like they do in medieval plays. “Please! I’m getting down on my knees here. I’ll kiss your bare feet!”

“Gah, you will not!” I shuffle backward fast. “Get up! Mika. Please. Get. Up.”

“You have to help me.” She latches onto my bare ankles, then claws her way up my calves. “We can go withProject Embarrass Him To A Slight Extentand see if that works. On your end, you can try to make the wedding as difficult as possible. Seeing as it’s so short term, it shouldn’t be too hard.”

“They could just go to Europe,” I protest again. “Where she’s from…if I make it too difficult.”

“Apparently, they’re having two weddings. One here and one there.”

“Jesus good god Christ.” I’m not normally so creative or loose tongue with my blasphemy either.

Thankfully, Mika pulls herself up. But not so thankfully, she’s got that burningI will not be dissuaded for all the world and an ice cream sundaelook on her face. And ice cream sundaes are her favoritest of all favorites. They’re a close second behind ice cream cakes, which are my favoritest of all favorites.

“You’d only be responsible for wrecking one wedding. But I still think seduction has to be the underlying goal. Not fake seduction, butrealseduction. You’re clearly into him. You never lit up like that for Kevin.”

“I’m lit up with nothing but mortification! It was bad judgment spurred on by me undergoing the worst day of my life.”

I’m certainly not going to let my ovaries get wild and start dictating orders to my brain. I’m not going to let my body get hot or my lady bits throb. I definitely don’t remember how the feel of her dad’s hand gliding over mine was nearly enough to make me spontaneously orgasm. I need to wash from my mind how badly I had wanted his hands to play me like I was the piano until I shattered.

“My dad is so traditional.”

I have to disagree there. Her dad is not a traditional dad. Traditional dads are only mildly hot, and that’s only sometimes.They’re funny and nice and probably great people, but not many of them screamzaddy. Not many rock a man bun or are solidly muscled, taller than I am, and havefuck me mysteriouseyes.

“He used to believe in true love, signs from the universe…all of that,” Mika goes on, oblivious to my internal meltdown. “We have to make him see that the magic isreal. Bringing you two back together as some massive universal love distribution sign is a thing.”

“I think that’s just for cats.”

Please, let the universal distribution system just be for cats.

“And bad luck. If the universe can hate people, then it can love them too.”

How are we circling around back to this plan that is not a plan because I won’t let it be a plan? “I just broke up with Kevinlastnight.”

It was a silent breakup. Just aif looks could kill, you’d be straight up put on the rack, cut up, and dragged between horses because you’re a monsterlook. But then, of course, I’d relent because that’s horrible and gory. I’d go with a bus. But the poor bus driver. Maybe just lightning. You can’t blame anyone for lightning. But no. Okay, I just wish something vaguely bad would happen to him.

“You’ve been broken up in your heart for ages,” Mika insists, and she’s not wrong. “You told me that you haven’t had sex in forever. Thank god, or I’d likely be hauling you off to the STD clinic right now to get checked or treated.”

Oh my god.