Page 44 of Executive Privilege

"By hurting you. Which makes him an asshole."

"It's more complicated than that."

"Is it? Because from where I'm sitting, it sounds like you told a man you care about him and he responded by pretending you don't exist."

"He has trust issues—"

"Everyone has trust issues, Sadie. That's not an excuse to treat people like disposable objects."

The Thai food arrives before I can argue further, but Emma's words stick with me through dinner. Is she right? Am I making excuses for Nicholas because I understand his trauma, or is there actually a difference between explanation and justification?

"Can I ask you something?" Emma says as we're finishing our pad thai.

"Shoot."

"Do you actually think he cares about you, or do you just want him to?"

The question stops me mid-bite. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're incredibly good at seeing patterns and reading people, but you're also incredibly good at talking yourself into believing what you want to believe. So I'm asking: based on his actual actions, not your hopes or interpretations, do you think Nicholas Blackwood genuinely cares about you?"

I think about the midnight emails, the expensive coffee that was exactly how I like it. The way he worried about me driving home late. The trust in his voice when he told me about his childhood accident. The way he held me in bed.

"Yes," I say finally. "I think he does care. I think that's exactly why he's pushing me away."

"Okay. So assuming you're right, what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean are you going to accept his decision to keep you at arm's length, or are you going to fight for what you want?"

"Emma, he made it pretty clear—"

"He made it clear that he's scared and doesn't know how to handle caring about someone. That's not the same as not wanting to care about someone."

I stare at my wine glass, considering. "So what are you suggesting? That I ignore his clearly stated boundaries and push for something he says he doesn't want?"

"I'm suggesting that sometimes people say they don't want things because they're afraid of wanting them too much. And sometimes, if you care about someone, you have to be braveenough to fight for them even when they're too scared to fight for themselves."

"That sounds like a recipe for professional disaster and personal humiliation."

"Maybe. Or maybe not."

After I get home, I sit on my couch with a second glass of wine and think about Emma's words. About fighting for what I want versus respecting Nicholas's boundaries. About the difference between being persistent and being pushy.

My phone buzzes with a text from an unknown number:"Sadie? This is Diego Morales, Nicholas's friend. We met at the gallery opening. Could you call me when you get a chance? It's about Nicholas."

I stare at the message, my heart rate accelerating. Diego texting me about Nicholas can't be good news.

I call immediately.

"Sadie," Diego answers on the first ring. "Thank you for calling back so quickly."

"Is Nicholas okay? Did something happen?"

"He's fine. Physically. But I'm worried about him, and I think you might be the only person who can help."

"I don't understand."