Page 134 of Forbidden

Standing on tip toes, I peck his cheek. I cannot say anything, because I’m too close to losing it.

Alfred’s mustache turns up, and he tilts his head. I then leave the man in his tweed jacket, and tie, and I push all I own into the airport.

Numb,on the plane, I fly south for South Carolina. Suddenly, I remember my car is in Lorenzo’s garage, and I moan. As I tell myself to get my life together, I remember, a friend at work in the NYC library. The one that needs a car.

I send her an email, and I tell her if she collects it, it’s hers. I can easily courier her the key, and it’s one less problem in my life.

I lay back, and I work out what I will say to everyone. To Madison, to Mom and even to Anastasia.

I decide not to call or message anyone for now, and I don’t want them worried. I will see them, and in person, tell them when the time is right. All except for Anastasia, who I likely won’t ever get to see again.

I will need to say something to mom’s friend, Martha one day, too. The woman who is close to him.

Supposedly she told Lorenzo, not to come near me, and that I am off limits. Evenforbidden.

What the heck was I thinking?

I know I’d come on to him, and I’d tried everything in the book for him to take me.

I sigh, and realize, I have three new problems. One, my job. I will email them tonight, and explain it’s a family emergency. It basically is.

Two, me. How the heck will I ever love, again?

And three, me. How can I ever sleep with a normal guy again, and one with normal needs?

Actually, there is a fourth. How will I ever come again? Like that? And if I never find another who can do those things to me, will I be a mess?

Or am I already ruined?

After arriving in Charlotte,I rent a cheap sedan, and I drive west towards my hometown.

Everything has happened fast. I moved to NYC under six months ago, and I’m about to look like a loser. Returning looking weird, or with a stylish haircut is one thing. I however do not have a job, a car, a life, or a man.

I drive to a small lakeside town, that I adored back in the day. It is cute, and I pull up to the water.

After sitting lakeside for an hour, and wondering what to do with my life, it finally comes to me. I still have several graphic design clients, and designing is what I really love to do.

Maybe I can get more.

I love books, and I love reading, but maybe helping to manage a library is not really me.

I want to create.

By the end of the day, I’ve signed an agreement to rent a cabin on the water. It’s cute, wooden and the view is stunning.

It’s not the biggest cabin, but it’s away from everyone, and I can focus on work. Also, rebuilding my life. It’s just me and the ducks, and ripples in the lake.

I get busy, and I plough all of my pain and frustration into my design work. I complete the designs, for my current clients and I stay up the entire night. As the crickets chirp, and the stars shine down, I design and build, a hot website for myself.

The next day, I spend a third of my savings on advertising the site on social media. I have no idea if people will see my site and designs, and two days later I start sweating.

Flipping burgers for money, is the last thing I want to do. But, in reality, it could become necessary.

My site is not getting many visits, and I start to feel sick.

I have another problem, and it’s the last thing I expected. Because I had gotten so used to him making me come, and so darned often, my body starts to go through some kind of crash.

Like cold turkey.