Page 51 of Teach Me to Laugh

I didn’t know what to say. Beckett took my emotions and twisted them around until they were a mess I could barely untangle. So I reached for his empty plate and stood, “I trust you.”

I didn’t turn around as I said the words. I didn’t want to see the righteousness I suspected lit his eyes.

It was after I’d put our dishes in the dishwasher and Beckett stoked the fire, when I turned to see him lowering his big body onto the cheery brown leather of the couch that I realized I’d lost control over my ice castle. He’d seized my palace and I was helpless against the war he raged to claim my heart. He might not know it, but I was a hell of a romantic and sometimes, the words he said played out in my mind for days after.

It was when I stepped into the sunken living room and Beckett twisted to pull the knit blanket off the back of the couch, holding it open for me, that I realized I wasn’t only falling for him. I’d already fallen.

The weight of the knowledge settled on my soul like a ton of bricks as fear of heartbreak slithered through my veins.

And that’s when I decided I needed to talk to someone. I needed my girlfriends. Desperately.

Yep, I’d fallen. Somehow, when I landed, the crash didn’t kill me as I’d suspected it would if I ever allowed my heart to commit such a foolish act. Some said loving another took bravery. I thought loving another took having a few loose screws.

I wasn’t sure which was correct.

But I was sure that I’d fallen. I knew this, because as Ilowered myself into the blanket Beckett held open for me on the couch beside him, his arm settling around my shoulders as I wrapped the blanket tightly around my body, I realized I didn’t want to be anywhere but here. Snuggled into this big man’s side; before the crackling fire like I was his to cherish and protect against the winter storm outside. It was the only place I could imagine being in this moment.

I’d never felt so safe.

“You’re not fighting my nearness.” He said sounding surprised. I realized, as I took in our position, that he had every right. I’d been more than a little cold, but I was confused.

Even now, I was terrified and lost and I wanted my girlfriends. Raina would excitedly offer advice that would have a harlot blushing, while Maddy would be honest and responsible in offering her opinion. And I desperately felt the need for both their words.

Desperately.

But they weren’t here.

“You’re right.” I concurred, saying nothing more.

“Why?”

“Because you were right when you said you’ve given me no reason not to trust you. I do trust you, Beckett. I just—I’ve never been the kind of girl who finds affection between friends easy.”

“Is that what we are?” I felt his face dip toward mine, but I kept my eyes trained to the dancing flames. Still, that didn’t stop my heart from beating so hard it practically tore through my chest.

“What?” The word sounded like a gasp.

“Friends? Is that all we are, Amara?”

“I—I don’t,” Oh my god, my head was beginning to spin.

“If it makes any difference to you, it’s not all I want to be.”

Holy crap!The dynamics of Amara and Beckett just went from a playful bantering love/hate friendship to—what? I mean, what were the dynamics now?

“Beckett . . .”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to respond now. I just want you to know how I feel. I just want to be honest with you.”

Could he be any more perfect? He had to have a flaw.He had to have a freaking flaw!

“Okay,” Really, Mar, that’s all you’ve got?

“Okay.” He agreed simply, settling back into the couch with my body tucked snugly into his side.

For long minutes, I sat as tense as a freaking iron pole before finally, I eased into the comfort of Beckett’s hard and, it had to be said,flawlessbody.

And that’s how we sat relaxing on the couch together like we’d always been a couple—or a couple of friends who always cuddled. It was so easy to be like this with him, anyone looking in would have figured we’d never been anything less.