Page 102 of Where Happiness Begins

“Glad you liked it.”

I rub her ribs, where I know hides the tattoo I finally convinced her to get on her last birthday, one that depicts in delicate lines a small acoustic guitar. While we were there, I got anLtattooed on my ring finger to replace the wedding band I never did get myself.

“There isn’t a single thing about you I don’t like, Andrew Carter.”

And when I pull back and look at her—trulylook at her—I know she’s telling the truth. As many things about myself and mylife I’d like to change, she loves me for all of them. She’s never made me feel inadequate, inferior, or unloved in any way. She’s never seen my alcoholism as something I needed to hide from, but rather something I should be proud to be able to conquer every single day. She makes all the things I see as failures feel like part of what she loves about me, which in turn allows me to accept them, too. Now more than ever I see this.

With my arms still banded across her lower back and her legs wrapped around my hips, I say, “Marry me.”

She smiles as her brows bunch. “Sorry to tell you, but we’re already married.”

“Marry me again.” I tuck loose strands of blond hair behind her ear as she watches me with that chink in her forehead she gets when she’s confused. “You can have the white dress and the flowers and the whole big thing, or it can be just the two of us. Whatever you want.” I swallow. “I just want you to have a wedding day where you don’t doubt for even a second how much I love you.”

When I was young, I promised myself I’d never get married. I’d seen the way so many people’s—including my parents’—marriages worked, and I wanted nothing like it. I didn’t want a relationship that was transactional with someone. I never wanted to build a family, or get attached to someone who would then use me to their advantage. As much as my parents treated me and my brother like pawns in their lives, they did the same to each other.

And then, when I did get married, it was nothing like the thing I’d told myself I wanted to avoid. It was a business deal. A transaction without any real feeling involved.

And now, as I’m asking her for the real thing, I find myself thinking it was so fucking dumb of me to fear this. There’s nothing scary about Lilianne’s love. It’s a gift. The only thing I could possibly be scared of would be not spending the rest of my life with her.

She’s still smiling skeptically, but her turquoise eyes have become watery. “Are you serious?”

“I don’t make jokes.”

“I mean, youcanbe funny sometimes.”

I pinch her thigh lightly, making her shriek. “Stop being annoying and give me an answer.”

She jumps off my body and brings her burning hands to my jaw. “I… I don’t need this, Carter. I have all I need already.”

“Then do it for me.” I’ve seen the way she looked at Lexie and Finn’s wedding. I know she wants it, and if she’s too proud to admit it, then I’ll do it. Bringing her hands away from my face so I can clasp them in mine, I gently ease the golden band off her ring finger, then kneel.

“Lilianne DiLorenzo, marry me. For real, this time.”

I don’t care that I’m in the middle of the backstage area where the crew are pulling instruments off-stage and probably staring at me. Her reaction is the only thing that matters.

She falls to her knees right before me and kisses me before she even says a word. Then, with the tip of her nose brushing against mine, she says, “I feel like it’s greedy to ask for more when you already make me so happy, but—”

“Is that ayes?”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, you impatient man. It’s a yes.”

This time, I can’t help the full grin that overtakes my face as I pick her up and spin her around. “You’re everything,” I say against her skin. Every morning when I wake up and see her sleeping next to me, her hair tangled on the pillow and her soft lips parted, I tell myself the same thing. It still doesn’t make sense to me that this is real life. That so many coincidences have brought us together and have given me everything I could ever want.

“If I can get whatever I want, then can I ask that you wear that stupid hat we found in Dad’s stuff?”

“Pain in my ass,” I say.

She laughs, the sound so deep and beautiful, a song I’ll never get tired of hearing, and then she kisses me once more, all the while the band and crew cheer for us. When I put her back down, the guys I now also see as family come to congratulate the two of us. Ethan claps my back while Bong lifts Lili in a bear hug, making her giggle. Even then, her eyes find mine over his head, crinkled at the corners and bright with joy and tears. And just like always, seeing her reminds me that I’ll never have to fear feeling empty again.

She is where happiness begins.