Page 155 of Wild Thing
But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t say the words. Talking with a lump in your throat is fucking hard.
“Dylan? Why are you pushing me away?”
"Because," my voice broke as I jumped up and paced across the room, every step charged with exhaustion and frustration. “I’m afuckingmess, Brax! What we’ve done…" I let out a shaky breath. I was at my limit, wrung out, emptied. "Our lives… they’re just too different.”
“Seriously? Too different? They weren’t ‘too different’ when we talked about being together two fucking days ago.”
I knew it sounded stupid, laughable even. Our lives weren’t different at all. The only thing that was different now was the painful truth spilling out between us.
I turned away, cutting him off. “That was before I knew you fucking lied to me!”
I hated how broken I sounded.
He took a step closer to me, his voice raw, pleading. “I’m sorry! I am so fucking sorry.”
“So am I," I said quietly. "But it doesn't matter now. It's over. We're done."
“Done? So… that’s it? All of this was for nothing?”
Even though I was desperately sick of all the deception and dishonesty, I still chose to lie. I didn't want us to be over. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I forced myself to continue lying to his perfect face.
“I–I’m messed up, Brax. I can't do this."
"Do what?" He asked, exasperated.
"Ruin my life!" I yelled.
Brax's face crumbled, and for a moment, I wanted to take it back, to erase the words I had said. "Ruin your life? Being with me, wouldruin your life?"
I knew he loved me. I knew it down to my rotten core. But I had to learn to love myself, before I could ever love him the way I wanted too.
"This isn't love, this is just… infatuation. Lust."
“You're wrong.”
I knew that. I knew it was love. It was love in its most brutal, most raw and messiest form.
We'd destroyed people for each other. We'd destroyed ourselves for each other.
Which is why we couldn't be together.
Slowly, he crossed the space between us. The scent of him—intoxicating, comforting, devastating—washed over me, pulling me back to when everything was right and not upside-fucking-down.
“Do I get a say in this?” Brax asked, his voice rough.
"No."
He stared at me, realizing that nothing he could say could make me change my mind. He leaned in close, his breath ghosting over my skin as he placed a soft kiss beside my lips, so close it made my knees buckle.
“Don't do this,” he whispered. “You're tearing me into pieces.”
It took every ounce of strength to stay still, to remain the ice queen I was pretending to be.
He stepped back and I felt my heart splinter into a million tiny pieces. I realized suddenly, and desperately, I wanted him to fight for me.
My mind screamed,Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go.
I wanted him to grab me by the shoulders, shake me and tell me I was being fucking stupid.
