Page 141 of Wild Thing
I repeated the mantra over and over again until I stopped feeling like I was going to pass out.
I looked out across the river that winded alongside the convention center towards the glittering skyline. The city hummed with activity, a blend of sirens, car horns and music filled the air.
It felt alive, while I felt dead inside.
Blinking, I willed myself to focus on my next move. I needed to get the hell out of there and back to the hotel. I’d pack my bags and get ready to go home tomorrow. This whole affair needed to remain in this city, far away from my future.
Pulling out my phone, I ordered a car and waited, willing the earth to open up and drag me into the depths of hell where harlots like me belonged.
***
I sank onto the same barstool in the dimly lit hotel lobby bar, the very one I had sat on during that first, fateful afternoon.
“Tequila, on the rocks.” I said, my voice flat.
Somewhere on the drive back to The Dalton, I decided packing my suitcase could wait until morning. Tonight, my only plan was to find oblivion.
The bartender nodded and slid the drink toward me.
I slammed it down.
Fuck, it burned, but it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
I set the glass down with a sharp clink and looked up. “Another please.”
The next shot arrived almost as quickly as the first had disappeared. I slammed it back in one smooth motion, the burn fiercer this time but still nowhere close to the blackout I was searching for.
I’d heard of people having affairs, and yet, I’d never really given much thought as to what those involved go through, or feel.
Now, I had a fucking front row seat.
The bartender gave me a brief, unreadable look. “You okay?”
“Nope.”
“Guy trouble?”
I snorted softly, tapping the rim of my empty shot glass with my fingertip. A silent request for another. “Something like that.”
She let out a wry laugh, shaking her head as she reached for the tequila bottle. “Men are assholes.”
“Yeah,” I said as she poured. “They are.”
I paused, staring at the golden liquid for half a beat before slamming it back in one swift motion. The burn clawed at my throat. I set the glass down with a dull thud. “But so am I.”
I struggled to admit to myself what I was really upset about. It wasn’t just the affair or the lies or the fallout that had me spiraling.
No, it was the realization that Brax must have once loved Ally so much, that he knelt down and asked her to marry him.
It killed me to know the moment I dreamed of had already been hers.
God, what the fuck was wrong with me?
The bartender broke the silence. “Well, whatever you did, make sure that someday, somehow, you forgive yourself.”
I let out a short, humorless laugh. “Why is it that bartenders always seem to know exactly what to say?”
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. “Because we hear it all.”
