Page 115 of Wild Thing
I didn’t know why I wanted to know. Some sick part of me needed to know more about their relationship. I wanted him to tell me how much their relationship sucked, that she was a bitch, that she was unsatisfying and rotten to the core.
Anything to make me feel better about the betrayal.
“She didn’t notice," he replied. "She hates this place.”
Part of me felt joy when he said she hated this place. The joy was short-lived as I realized how she must have hurt Brax by rejecting something he'd worked so hard to have.
“She hates this place?”
“Yeah. We don’t actually have a lot in common,” Brax admitted quietly. “Our relationship should have ended a long time ago.”
“Why hasn't it then?”
Brax sighed. “It’s complicated. There’s a lot of… layers. I'll tell you everything once all of this is over, I promise."
"Why won't you just tell me now?"
"Because it's a long story and I don’t want to ruin this moment. I don't want to talk about her. I just want to be here, with you, right now.”
I understood that. I felt the same, wanting to savor these final days together without any distraction or reminder of the shit storm we both had to face when we got home.
Breaking up with our partners wasn’t going to be easy.
I hadn't asked Brax if he was going to tell Ally the truth, and he hadn't asked me what I planned on telling Zack. It was probably for the best that we didn't share those details.
I wondered if I would feel like a good person again once this was all over. I hoped so.
“Do you feel bad? About what we’ve done?”
"Part of me feels bad, yeah," Brax took a deep breath in and exhaled. “But, at the same time, I’ve never been happier or more sure about anything in my life. Do you know what I mean?”
I knew exactly what he meant.
Except I seemed to be struggling with the guilt more than Brax. Or so it appeared anyway.
Regardless, his words gave me comfort.
If I could keep him around me, near me, it was like the guilt was still there, but rather than a raging sea of it, it simmered in the background. It was more bearable.
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Of course," he said, kissing me on the back of my neck. "But I want more than just tonight, though, Dyl. You know that, right?”
I wanted so much more than just one night too.
Despite my gut feeling that Brax wasn’t being entirely honest with me, it was time he knew just how deep my feelings ran. "Do you believe in something greater than us?"
"What do you mean? Like God?"
"No, like, the universe. Like, if it has a plan for us. That it has the power to intervene lives. Pushes you onto certain paths, into certain people. That type of thing."
"To an extent, I do," Brax answered. "But ultimately, I think we're in control of our lives. The universe just sets the scene."
With my eyes fixated on the rolling waves crashing onto the shore, I finally dropped my walls and let him in. “When I arrived in London, I’d cry myself to sleep at night. Our break up crushed me. I just didn’t feel like there was any closure, or a proper goodbye. You know?
“Yeah, I know.”
“I couldn’t escape you, even being on the other side of the world. And as time wore on, I wouldn’t say it got easier… I guess I just got used to it.”
