Page 61 of Habits

“Ignore them,” Lia whispers. “They’re just petty and jealous.”

“Right,” I mutter, as we finally get out of the store.

But no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake it off.

Fat.

* * *

Later that day, when I finally get home, I let the door close shut behind me, not bothering to lock it.

Taking two steps at a time, I get to my room quickly.

I don’t look around, my mind set on one thing and one thing only.

Restless.

That’s what I’m feeling.

Restless.

And I know it won’t change until I get down to the gym and work it out of my system.

Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

The word is on repeat in my mind.

Sometimes it’s Diamond’s voice I hear.

Sometimes it’s the voices from my past.

My demons and insecurities trying to crawl back to life.

I enter my room, pulling my clothes off.

Jacket.

Sweater.

Tank top.

“You’re home already?”

I turn around, facing Max. His hair is disheveled and he looks tired. He’s most likely been working on his homework after his usual morning workout.

“Yeah, just got in,” I say, going to my wardrobe to get my workout clothes.

“Had fun?”

“Mhmm …” I answer non-committally, grabbing the first pair of leggings and sports bra I see.

Ignore the mirror.

Fat. Fat. Fat.

“You’re talkative.” I feel him shift behind me. “Everything okay?”

“Yes.” I turn around, plastering a fake smile on my face, but trying to make it look as real as possible. “It’s been a hassle trying to find something perfect for Lia, but we did it. Now I just need to let off some steam. You know me and shopping don’t mingle well. Reminds me too much of all the times Mom dragged me shopping with her.”