Page 32 of I Was Born Ruined (Death by Daybreak MC 1)
Turning away, I trail after Crown, staring at the back of his auburn head and wondering how it is that the gray glare of the afternoon can make it seem so much more red, like blood. Like fresh blood spilling around a knife wound. I choke and cover my mouth with a black-gloved hand.
“Teasing Cat like that—” Crown starts, and I scoff, dropping my hand to my side as I move up to walk beside him. He weighs easily twice what I do, maybe three times. Crown is all rippling muscles, tattoos, and good intentions gone wrong. He used to be a cop, you know, Crown did … But then he found himself on the wrong side of the law, lost his job, and ended up as Cat’s righthand man.
“Is like teasing a rattlesnake?” I whisper, looking down at the toes of my shiny black boots on the wet gravel. Just a few seconds later, it starts to rain and I feel cold droplets spattering on the back of my neck. “Shouldn’t it be more like confronting a grieving father?”
“He’s the president first, and a father second when he’s in public,” Crown says, his face clean-shaven for the funeral, his green eyes full of I told you so and I know better. He’s the type who likes to joke and smile, but really thinks he knows best. Drives me nuts. “I know you’re hurting …”
I snort, and hysterical laughter breaks from my throat, driving a murder of crows into the gray sky. I whip around to glare at Crown, and his face softens. It’s the kindest expression I’ve ever seen him wear, and I won’t see anything like it anytime soon. He feels sorry for me today. Tomorrow, I won’t get a free pass.
People die. That’s part of club life. Sucks, but get over it, right? That’s the attitude I’m getting from the Daybreakers.
“Gidge,” Crown says, reaching down to put a hand on my shoulder. “It’ll get better. You’ll see. Every day that passes will be a little easier than the one before it.”
I throw his hand off, catching Sin’s dark eyes from across the cemetery. He’s leaning against a tree, the rain dragging his dark hair into his face. Smoke curls from his cigarette as he stares at me, and I slip around Crown to head his direction. When I glance briefly back at Crown, I see his green eyes burning, like embers from that far away forest fire. But then I blink, and the emotion’s gone, like storm shutters thrown across a window. I could see inside, break the glass, climb in … but now, not even a hurricane could get through.
With a shake of my head, I turn away and forget all about it.
Besides, Sin is much closer in age to me, and he … had a sister or maybe sisters. He doesn’t talk about it, but I know it’s true.
“Shouldn’t you be enjoying the service?” he snaps, much less kindly than I’d expected. He’s clearly as upset as I am. Shouldn’t we be able to commiserate together? Sin took care of me and my sisters for years, but for the last few, he’s mostly stayed away. My fourteenth birthday is the last time I can really remember seeing him around for more than a few minutes.
“What’s to enjoy? A weeping Nellie? A droning priest? A scowling Cat?” I hold my hand out for a cigarette. In the past, Sin and Crown have always refused to give me smokes, even though they both know I’ll find some other way to get them. This time, he just lets me have it.
It’s hard to light up in the rain, so I step close to him, toe to toe, hiding underneath the foliage of a massive pine tree.
“Fuck, Gidge, you’re all wet.” Sin reaches out and touches a loose strand of my hair, tugging on the sopping tendril and then wrapping it around his finger. He looks me over in a strange way, one that I barely recognize. His look takes my breath away, makes my chest feel hollow and my heart feel like it’s bursting with new and strange emotions.
I find my eyes drawn to a few beads of moisture on his full lower lip.
“So are you,” I state, rather unhelpfully. I’m drowning in pain and sadness and anger, so what is all of this newness flooding my body? What is this useless garbage taking over my limbs and making them tingle? Am I crushing on Sin at my sisters’ funeral?! What the fuck is wrong with me?
Maybe I was born wrong? Cat is poison, so his seed must be rotten, too.
I look away sharply, but I don’t move from Sin’s circle of influence, standing there and smoking my cigarette as I watch the water come down in sheets. The rain is so thick, so relentless that for a brief moment, it blocks my view of the coffins. All I can see are the gravestones nearest us, and the smoke trailing from my cig.
