Page 24 of Knuckles (Dragon Riders MC 4)
When we were younger, he always enjoyed looking up those kitschy and weird small towns online. For example, when I was around nine years old, he showed me an article on our foster parent’s computer about a town in Alaska that was literally dubbed “The North Pole.” It was this wonderful, magical place that was decked out year-round with Christmas stuff. And for the winter months where the snow just kept piling on, they hired an actual Santa to come and live there with seasonal “elves” to really sell the idea to the children that came from all corners of the globe to experience it. I remembered those pictures as if he had showed me them yesterday. Christmas lights from head to toe on some of the facades of businesses in the little town. Cobblestone walkways and unmarked paved roads and headlamps decorated with bows and sparkling wraps and tinsel. In some ways, Cherry Branch reminded me of that little Christmas town. That didn’t make me want to stay, though.
I only wanted to be where Justin was.
After walking for a few blocks, I came upon the familiar wrought iron gate that separated Dani’s stairs up to her apartment from those walking around on the street. I pulled the keys out and let myself in, double-checking the lock after I closed the gate to make sure no one could follow me in. And when I finally let myself into the studio apartment Dani let me inhabit with her until I could “find my own place,” tears rushed my eyes.
With every day that passed by, I felt a little more desperate. A little more hopeless. A little more lost.
I missed Justin, and I just wanted him back.
I dropped the keys into the key bowl by the door and stripped out of my clothes. I left a trail from the front door to the shower and settled on taking the hottest one I could stand. I wanted that shower to wash away my sins. My worries. My anxieties. My helplessness. I wanted that shower to fix my life, but every time I stepped out of the shower, my life was still in shambles.
Still, a girl could dream.
“What am I going to do?” I sighed.
As I turned on the water, I ran down all of the things I had yet to tell Justin. Like, what pushed me to find him in the first place. Or what kept me up at night. Or how I felt about him. That one hurt the most. More than anything, I regretted not taking the time to tell him how I felt about him—how I’d always felt about him—and instead found excuses to keep that shit to myself. It made me infuriated with myself. I mean what the hell did I have to lose? We’d always be family. That much I knew for certain. He’d always be there for me, no matter what. That was what made Justin my JayJay. That was his defining characteristic.
And one of the first things I truly fell in love with about him.
As I stepped into the shower, my eyes peered out this little frosted window that was right smack dab in the middle of the tiled wall. I peered out into the world as hot water battered against my skin, and part of me wondered if maybe I could still leave. If I cashed in the pennies and quarters I had in my jar and take the few bucks I had stowed underneath my mattress on the floor, maybe I’d have enough to at least get within walking distance of the Iron Horse. I mean even if it was an hour’s walk to the damn place, so long as I had a map and some road names, I’d be fine.
But the idea of Skeleton stopped me.
That idea stopped me from doing just about anything that meant leaving this small town.
What if he was out there looking for me, too? Just like I knew JayJay was? What if I left and he found me first? I couldn’t stomach the thought of it. The idea of being back in Skeleton’s grasp after running like I did petrified me. And it was enough fear to keep me rooted to Cherry Branch.
“Fucking hell,” I whispered.
I leaned my head against the tiled wall and engaged in yet another ritualistic activity that had become a pastime here in the small town. I cried. I let my shoulders shake and my knees grow weak as I slid to the bottom of the tub. I didn’t hold back, either. In the diner? I held back. In bed? I held back. Eating food? I held back.
Not in the shower, though.
The shower relaxed me enough to let things flow.
“What am I gonna do?” I asked through my sobbing.
I curled up into a ball on the floor of the tub and cried until hiccups started. I couldn't catch my breath and I couldn't breathe. I felt helpless and it was all too much. Everything about my life right now was too much. My bills were going unpaid. My credit card debt was mounting by the second. Interest compounded upon missed payments compounded upon percentages of other things I didn’t even understand.
