Page 98 of Finding Hayes
Mark my words… I will never be selfish like my parents. I’ll do whatever it takes to look out for Saylor. How do these assholes get to call themselves parents?
Please tell me that you’re okay. I don’t understand why you left. I’m dying without you, Sav. You’re the only one who truly knows me. I need you. Please call me. Peas and carrots forever, right? I’ve got the tat to prove it. I miss you.
Hayes
My heart was heavy because I could feel his pain through his words. I opened the next dozen letters, and every single one asked the same thing. When was I coming home? Why hadn’t I called him? I could feel his pain bleeding through the ink on the paper. And then I opened the next one, and I fought the tears as I read his words.
Sav,
It’s been five months since we spoke. I’m fucking miserable. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly worried about you. Saylor is doing well, and I think living with the Pierces has actually been good for her. She and Pearl have bonded. They garden together every day, and that’s been good for her to have some stability. But I worry about you. I heard Ben Jones left his wife and moved to the city with your mom. I’m sure this is awful for you, as you’re probably going back and forth between your father’s house and your mother’s house. What the hell is wrong with our fucking parents, Sav? They’re all so fucking selfish, and they don’t realize the way it affects us. We’re the ones who pay the price for their fucked-up choices.
I swear, Sav, I’m never having kids. Any dumb fuck can have a kid nowadays, and they don’t have a clue the damage they could do. I hate my parents for what they did to me and Saylor, and I hate your parents for taking you away from me.
I’m not okay, Sav. It’s like someone has cut out half of my heart since you left. I can’t talk to Kate, and she’s constantly bitching at me for being grumpy. You’d hate me now… I’m grumpier than I used to be, which is hard to believe.
I always thought I looked out for you, but the reality is you were the one looking out for me. Talking me down from my anger. Keeping me in check. You’re my North Star, Shortcake. And without you, I’m lost.
I’m so fucking lost, Sav. Please call me. I’ll come to you wherever you are. I’ll borrow a car and come see you. Please. I can’t do this life without you. Peas and carrots.
Hayes
Tears ran down my face as I folded up the letter and reached for the next. It was painful to realize that he’d suffered as much as I had. For some reason, I’d imagined him running around with his hot girlfriend and hanging out with the guys, living his best life, while I’d been drowning in chemo appointments with my father and my mother was pregnant and completely focused on her new family. I was just surviving back then, trying to adjust to a life in a big city where I knew no one.
But he’d suffered just like I had.
And it had hardened him in a way, too.
I read a few more letters and reached for one more when there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” I said, swiping my face clean and straightening my features.
“Hey, everything okay?” King asked, his gaze filled with concern as he stood in the doorway.
“Yeah, of course. Just going through some old things from the past.”
“Are those the letters from Hayes?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder as if he wanted to make sure no one was listening.
“You know about the letters?”
“Saylor told me she found a box of returned letters to you whenthey moved into that apartment after high school graduation. Did you know he took custody of her and gave up his football scholarship?”
I nodded. “Yes. He told me.”
“He doesn’t know I know about the letters, so don’t mention it. He’d be embarrassed. He’s a proud man, Sav.”
I nodded. “I won’t say a word.”
“I’m impressed he gave them to you. That’s huge. He’s different with you, you know?”
“What do you mean?”
He leaned against the door frame and studied me. “It’s like he’s been missing a part of himself all these years, and you were what was missing. We all see the way you’ve brought him back to life.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Thank you. I think we were both missing a piece of ourselves, because he’s brought me back to life, too.”
“I’m glad you two found your way back to one another,” he said, as someone shouted his name. “All right, how about you give us ten minutes and then come check out the French doors?”
“You got it.” I smiled as he closed the door, and I opened the next letter.
