Page 84 of Finding Hayes
But that didn’t stop me from thinking about it… all the time.
I could separate sex and love.
Hell, I’d had sex with past boyfriends, and I’d been fine to end those relationships.
“Wife!” his deep voice barked as I heard the front door close behind him.
I laughed and turned to see him walk into the kitchen. He’d been growing his hair a little longer than normal, and his scruff looked like he hadn’t shaved in the few days since he’d left. His eyes were hard, lips plump, and I couldn’t read this mood of his.
I could normally decipher everything that Hayes was feeling.
But something was different.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, setting the box of pasta on the counter and moving toward him. “Did something happen?”
“Yeah. You happened.”
“Ihappened?” I raised a brow.
“Yeah. You happened.” He nodded slowly, his tongue slipping out and moving along his bottom lip. “I got the job. And all I wanted to do was talk to you. See you.”
“You got the job!” I squealed and lunged forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Does that mean I have to call you captain now?”
He chuckled as his green eyes moved along every inch of my face, like he was trying to memorize each line and curve. “You can call me whatever you want.”
“So why do you seem so…” I paused and took a step back as I looked at him. “You seem so tense. Shouldn’t we be celebrating?”
“I’m tense because I couldn’t wait to get here and tell you.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
He huffed out a breath. “I can’t sleep in our bed another night without burying myself in you. It’s all I fucking think about, Sav. How badly I want you. And I don’t want to fuck up this friendship, because I’ve missed you so much, and I don’t know how to deal with all of it. How to deal with the way I feel about you.” It came out in a flustered burst of words, like he couldn’t hold them in anymore.
I was stunned, because Hayes wasn’t big on feelings, nor was he a man that liked to talk things out. So this was—unexpected.
I moved closer, taking his hands in mine. “So tell me, then. How do you feel about me?”
“It’s complicated,” he said, his gaze locking with mine. “I’ve been good on my own for a long time, and now you’re here, and you’re all I see. Maybe it was always you, and that’s why nothing else ever worked when you were gone. Maybe you’ve been what’s missing all along.”
A lump formed in my throat, making it hard to breathe as Iforced my voice to work. “You got your best friend back.”
“You’re more than my best friend, Sav. I like coming home to you. I like knowing you’re in my bed, even when I’m not there with you. Knowing that you’re waiting for me. Knowing that everyone thinks you’re mine. Because you are mine,Savannah Woodson.And I know you only married me because you had to, and I’m not the guy you’d choose in a different situation because I can’t give you all the things that you want. But I fucking love you. And even if you divorce me in a few months, I’d still want to date you.”
My jaw hung open, completely stunned by his words. “You want to date me, huh?”
He rolled his eyes. “I just said all that, and that’s all you have to say?”
“I feel the same way, Hayes. I think about you when I’m not with you. And of course, I worry that I’m getting too attached, because I don’t know how this ends. How we go back to being just friends.”
“Why do we have to? Hell, I’d stay married to you if I knew you wanted that. I don’t want this to end, Sav. Now that I’ve got you back, I don’t want to let you go. Not now, not in another month, not in another year. I. Want. You. Whatever way I can have you.”
A tear rolled down my cheek, and he swiped it away with the pad of his thumb. “You have me. We don’t have to figure everything out right now. We did things backward, and that’s probably made things confusing, but who cares? At the end of the day, we want to be together.”
“What does that mean?”
“I think it means I’d like to date my husband.” I laughed, and he tugged me closer. “So how about you stop holding out on me, and we don’t overthink it. I love you. I want you. You love me.You want me. That’s enough right now.”
“Yeah? Because I can’t lose you again, Sav.”
