Page 58 of Finding Hayes
“Kate,” she said, her voice sounding almost frantic now. “I went to your house that morning before I left. You hadn’t responded to my messages about my dad being sick, about my mom being pregnant—about me moving.”
“You saw Kate the day that you left?” My thumb stroked along her jaw.
“Yes. She was at your house, and she came out the door just as I was about to knock. She told me that something had happened with you, but that you called her and not me because you no longer wanted to deal with me.”
My chest was pounding because this was irrational behavior, even for Kate.
“I didn’t call her. She’d called Nash to find out where I was because she couldn’t reach me. He told her some shit had gone down, and I didn’t have my phone. Apparently, she went to get it from my house because she showed up at the hospital where we were all waiting for Saylor to get released, and she brought it to me.”
Savannah shook her head. “So you never told her about my dad having cancer or my mom being pregnant?”
“Of course not. I didn’t know about them either. I found out about your mom later through the grapevine, and I didn’t know about your dad until now. Why would you believe that I’d do that?”
“I don’t know.” She threw her hands in the air. “You’d been a little distant since you’d started dating that heathen.”
“Sav, I wasn’t distant because of Kate. Hell, we weren’t even all that serious back then. Barry was drinking a ton during those days leading up to everything that happened, and I didn’t want to tell you about it because you were dealing with all that shit with your mom. So, I tried to handle it. And then everything went down with River and Romeo right then, too, and it was a lot.”
“I know. So I thought you just didn’t want to deal with me.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “Kate said you two would laugh about me. About the problems going on with my family. I was already dealing with all the name-calling at school, and I think I just felt really alone.”
“But you know me. You fuckingknowme.” I shook my head in disbelief.
“She showed me the text messages, Hayes. Your name was at the top. She couldn’t have made that up.”
“Made what up? I never texted anything bad about you. What did the messages say?” I asked, rubbing a hand down my face.
She was standing now, pacing in little circles as she tried to recall everything from all those years ago.
“They said that you wondered if your life would be easier without me in it. That you were disappointed in the person I’d become, and you didn’t know how to walk away from me. And then she told me that you knew about my dad’s cancer and my mom being pregnant.”
“I would never have written that. You saw your name on those messages?” I asked, not hiding my frustration. I was wrackingmy brain.
“Well, I don’t think there was a name on them, but she said they were about me.”
I stopped to think back to that time. “Fuck me.”
“What?”
“I was going through a hard time with my mom back then. Barry was getting drunk every day, and I’d told you that he’d gotten violent a few times, breaking things at the house and shouting at everyone like the asshole lunatic that he was. I wanted to get Saylor out of there. You knew all of that, Sav. Those messages weren’t about you. I’m guessing they were about my mother. Kate had been over when a fight broke out between my mom and Barry, and I’d been angry. So I probably texted her and vented about my mom. You know I struggled with my relationship with her because of what she was exposing Saylor to. My disappointment wasn’t a secret.”
“Oh, my God,” she whispered as the tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I freaking fell for it. She knew exactly how to play me. And I was in such a bad place, and she knew it.”
“She’s the fucking devil.” I scrubbed a hand down my face. “So, we lost over ten years for nothing?”
“It’s sad that she could make me doubt myself—doubt you that easily.” She shook her head and swiped at her cheeks.
“Hey, you were in a really bad place at the time. We both were. Hell, I’ve questioned myself numerous times that I almost married the woman,” I admitted.
Because what the fuck did that say about me?
“I think it all has a lot to do with what was going on in your life at the time, you know?” She reached for my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine. “You were dealing with a lot. Your dad had left and completely abandoned you and Saylor. Your mom remarried a total douchebag. You were doing everything youcould to protect your sister. So, I don’t know, maybe you didn’t feel deserving of more than what Kate had to offer, because you were sort of drowning in all that negativity. And she pursued you hard. She wanted to date you, and she made it happen.”
“I was just a dumbass who didn’t know better. She was all over me, and I probably liked the attention. I’m different now. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“I get that. But completely closing yourself off isn’t good either, Woody.” Her gaze softened, and she wrapped her arms around me and rested her cheek on my chest, hugging me tight. “I’m sorry for believing the worst in you. I knew you. I knew better. I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” I said, tipping her chin up so she was looking at me. “You aren’t the one who did this. I’m the asshole who brought the devil into our lives.”
“I always hated Kate,” she said, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip, eyes remorseful, like she’d been feeling bad about it. “For the longest time, I worried I was jealous, you know, just that someone had come in and taken my best friend from me. It’s not rational, but it happens, right? And people loved her—hell, she was the most popular girl in our class, even though she was a complete bitch to a lot of people behind closed doors.”
