Page 119 of Finding Hayes
“My husband and I haven’t been married that long, so we weren’t exactly planning on this,” I said. “Being on the pill, I didn’t even think it was possible.”
She nodded, no judgment in her gaze. “It’s a lot. Have you told him yet?”
“No. I’d rather do it in person.” I fidgeted with my hands. I didn’t even know how to have the conversation, if I were being honest. He’d made his feelings known upfront. I’d said I was okay with it. And now I was changing everything up.
Forcing his hand.
“Here you go,” she said, as she handed me more tissue, and I realized tears were streaming down my face. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to have doubts. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.”
“Thank you.” A sob escaped my throat. “I’m just—surprised and confused. I’m really happy, and then I feel guilty that I’m happy because this wasn’t the plan. And then I’m really sad and then I feel guilty for being sad because I’m pregnant. With two babies. How lucky am I?” I blubbered. “But I came here to focus on my father, and I just got married, and we weren’t planning on having kids, and now I’m pregnant with twins?”
I was full-on crying now in the examination room of a doctor I’d never met before today. And she did the most unexpected thing of all.
She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me.
“All of these feelings are valid, Savannah. It’s okay to be happy and sad and confused and elated all at the same time. But I’m going to give you a little advice that my grandmother told me a long time ago, and trust me when I tell you she is the wisest woman I know.”
“Okay,” I whimpered as she pulled back and sat down on her rolling stool, sliding right in front of me.
“There is no perfect time to be pregnant or to have a child. You’ll never feel like you have enough money or enough time to bring a baby into the world. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right time, and I speak from experience.”
“You have children?”
“I have three. Ask me how many kids I planned on having?”
“Two?” I swiped at the tears running down my cheeks.
“Nope. Zero. I wanted to start my practice and focus on my career. My husband was okay with it, as he’s also a doctor, and though he’d wanted children, it wasn’t a deal-breaker when I’d told him that I didn’t.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around that. “You deliver babies all day, and you didn’t want kids of your own?”
“Nope. I just never felt that need to have them, but I love bringing them into the world and watching that joy on my patients’ faces.” She shrugged. “And then I got pregnant with Benson. I was very overwhelmed when I first found out. I cried and wrestled with what to do. My husband supported me either way. But then I felt my son move, and I don’t know, something changed in me. But I had a partner who supported me, one that I supported, as well. And we talked it out and decided that we would have one child. One would be plenty.” She chuckled.
I laughed and shook my head. “And now you have three?”
“Yeah. Who knew I could love those little hellions so much?”She shook her head. “Three boys. And they’re loud and messy and—fabulous. My point is, it’s okay to be scared. It doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. You have choices and options, and I’m happy to discuss them if you want.”
“Thank you. I know that I want these babies. I just hope it’s not at the expense of my marriage.”
There. I said it.
That was my fear.
“Well, there’s only one way to find out. Sometimes people surprise you, you know?”
“I know that Hayes loves me. He’d do anything for me. But I don’t want him to do anything at the expense of his own happiness.” My words broke on a sob again, and I was mortified that I was such a mess.
“You’ll talk to him when you’re ready. And I’m here if you need me.” She wheeled back and pushed to her feet before scribbling her phone number down on the back of a business card. “You call me anytime, okay?”
“Thank you. I really appreciate you seeing me.” I swiped at my face with the tissue before blowing my nose.
“Of course. We’ll talk soon.” She handed me the photos from the ultrasound and waved before leaving the room.
I stared down at the photos and pushed to my feet.
When I stepped onto the elevator, I pulled out my phone and saw the missed calls from Hayes, Saylor, Demi, Ruby, Peyton, and Emerson. My heart raced because though we all talked often, they didn’t usually all call at the same time.
I went to listen to the voice messages just as a text message popped up.
