Page 162 of Checkmate
The truth was, his stance on children hadn’t really changed. He didn’t have a desperate yearning to be a father and dedicate his life to someone else. But as he’d grown, the thought of not having them had left a small pang in his chest. It had been easy to ignore all these years, brush it off as one of life’s regrets. At the time, as long as he had Sophie, everything else seemed to fade away.
And now?
Well, shit.
“I think recent events have made me more inclined to have children in my future,” he said, keeping his eyes on hers. “In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think it might be fun to have a couple of rugrats around.”
“I think so too,” she replied, the ghost of a smile forming on her lips. “One day, at least.”
His heart soared at the thought before his stomach lurched uncomfortably as reality settled.
The vasectomy, of course.
A procedure he’d agreed to with little persuading, naively thinking he and Sophie were forever. In fact, he’d been happy to. The less thinking he had to do about contraception, the better for him. There was nothing worse than getting hot and heavy, only to break up the fun and fumble awkwardly with a condom.
He had to tell her.
“Listen,” he said, patting his knee as an invitation. She moved to sit in his lap, resting her arm around his shoulders. “Like I said, Sophie was dead set against children. It wasn’t even up for debate. So when she suggested a vasectomy, I didn’t even hesitate.”
“Sensible,” Erica said with a nod. “And it also explains why we’ve never used anything.”
“They can be reversed,” he assured her. “I think I’m still in the window for a high chance of a successful reversal.”
“And when does that window end?”
“Pretty soon,” he admitted. “Like within the next six months or so.”
Erica nodded, falling silent. He was desperate to know what was going on inside her mind and exactly what she was thinking. But he gave her the space to compose herself and gather her thoughts.
Neither of them had been expecting a conversation this heavy.
But that was the beauty of this relationship he shared with her. No topic was off limits, no question out of line. It had been like that with Sophie, only she dictated what she wanted and didn’t. With Erica, he felt that even if their ideals didn’t align, they could compromise and ensure both were happy.
Although he had to admit, children were probably one of those things they should be in full agreement about.
He couldn’t imagine anything worse than bringing life into this world that wasn’t one hundred per cent wanted and loved. His heart ached for Sophie’s unborn child, knowing that it was nothing more than a pawn to her. He could already see all the ways she would weaponise that innocent babe to make sure Alex bent to her will.
It was a sickening thought, and he could only hope that something had changed for Sophie. That she truly loved the life growing inside her.
“I think I’d really love a child with you one day,” Erica said, finally breaking the silence. “Not now. Not in the immediate future. But one day, I think I’d like that.”
“Yeah?” He felt a frisson of excitement. He agreed with everything she said. Their relationship was still in its infancy, and he had every intention of enjoying growing with her for a couple of years. But now that it was out there in the world, he couldn’t deny that being a father was something he would like.
At least now he had found the right partner.
“I want you to answer me something though,” she said, playing with his fingers. “If we didn’t work out, or you hadn’t met me or something, would you still want kids?”
“That’s a hard question to answer,” he admitted. “Because it’s you that makes the whole prospect exciting.”
“Thank you,” she said, pecking him on the lips. “That’s sweet of you to say. But I want you to think about it, okay? I won’t pretend to know the ins and outs of vasectomies and reversals, but it’s still surgery. There’s always a risk with surgery and you need to do this because you might someday want children. Not because I do.”
“I understand,” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “But I want to make it clear - you and I not working out is not an option.”
She smiled, chuckling as she nodded. “Understood. My point still stands.”
“It does, and I’ll take it into consideration.” He sat with her for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. “Were kids in your plan with Alex?”
“We never discussed it,” she said with a small shrug. “I’ve been thinking about it since Justin told us Sophie was pregnant. But I cannot remember one instance of us discussing children.”
