Page 13 of Addiction

“I take Ava there once a week so I can catch up with everyone and also get her used to it. I can’t wait until she is older and can understand more. I hope she takes after me.”

I raise a brow. “Maybe she’ll take after her dad and want to own a bar.”

“And have men after her? No thank you.”

I chuckle. “Now who’s sounding overprotective?”

She waves me off with a smile.

I wonder if my niece will be a tiny tot of five-foot nothing like her mother or as tall as her father. Will she have a relationship with me where the excitement will fill her when she sees me before running into my arms?

Feeling her eyes on me, I turn my head toward Nora. Nervousness covers her features, and I can see the questions in her hues that she’s desperate for answers to. That’s one of the reasons why I came out here because I knew she’d need to talk. There are no secrets between us now. Well, all but one—one I’m still coming to terms with myself.

“You can ask, Nora. It’s okay.”

"How was it in there?"

Even though I’d known what her question would be before she spoke it, it still causes my stomach to pull.

"Different. But I got through it."

She studies me, and I know she's not buying my bullshit. "Now tell me the truth. No more secrets remember?"

I don’t know who I’d been expecting to fool when I came home and put on a brave face. Mom has already seen right through me, and I’ve hardly even mentioned my time in jail. I’d come out thinking I would be braver than I’ve ever been but the truth is, I’m far from that right now. I don’t know if that’s the relief of being home and everything I’ve missed; the realization of the fact that, in some ways, I’m still as fucked up as I was; or the fight I know I’m yet to face. But I suddenly don’t feel strong anymore, and if there’s one person I can truly be myself around more than anyone now it’s my sister.

How can I tell her it was some of the worst times in my life?

"It was bad, Nora," I murmur. "I’ve seen many things in my life. I’ve fought in too many wars. But being there brought a whole new kind of vulnerability. And… I've never felt so isolated."

"I'm so sorry, Asher," she whispers back, moving her seat closer. "I didn't want any of this to happen. You know that, right?"

Regardless of whether or not she had, it had been out of her hands. I’d been caught blind drunk behind the wheel, and the person who’d taken the biggest impact from my actions had been her. I’d put her and others’ in danger. I’d put her in hospital, and it had almost cost her her life.

I’d been fined and jailed for twelve months.

Reaching up, I wipe her tears that escape and cup her jaw. "Nora, you've nothing to apologize for. I was in there because of what I did to you. And rightly so. I needed to pay for my actions. None of this is on you. Okay?"

She nods, sniffing back her tears.

“I’m just sorry it took the accident for me to see the error of my ways—for me to realize how much pain I was in and what I’d put others through. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. But I was lost, Nora.”

“I know,” she whispers.

Wanting her to find her smile again, I say the one thing I know will get a reaction, and the one thing that had kept her strong when she was a kid.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, I hold her gaze. “You know Momma always said that when someone is sad, all they need is a cuddle.”

A tearful chuckle leaves her.

“Would you like a cuddle?”

“I would love a cuddle.” She wraps her arms around me tightly and murmurs, “I love you so much, Asher.”

“I love you, too.”

“Everything is going to be okay. I just know it.”

I just wish I had the same faith as my sister because my lack of self-worth is running deep right now.